Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts

3 February 2009

The White Stuff

I wonder how often this happened down south over the past couple of days?


23 January 2009

A Real Friday Groaner

The row over whether Dubai Television should broadcast the television cartoon series "The Flintstones" continues.

A spokesman for the channel said: "It was claimed that people in Dubai would not understand Fred Flintstone's humour. But we know that people in Abu Dhabi do."

Someone REALLY needs to get out more...

The best Gumtree advert in the world, to date...


(Thanks Holy Moly!)

I'm Sorry, Your Brain Is Overdrawn...

Don't give up your day job...

Police: Masked man waited in line to rob Ohio bank

STOW, Ohio – An Ohio man may have tipped off his intentions when he stood in line at a bank wearing a ski mask before staging a holdup.

Police in Stow (STO') say Feliks Goldshtein (GOLD'-shteen) of Highland Heights was arrested Thursday following a brief car chase.

Police say the teller asked the man to take off the mask before being served. The man displayed what turned out to be a toy gun and demanded money from the teller. He made off with an undisclosed amount.

Police Captain Rick Myers says it's unusual for a masked robber to wait in line at a bank.

The 24-year-old man remained jailed Friday on charges of aggravated robbery and failure to comply with a police order. Court records didn't identify an attorney for Goldshtein.

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Fantastic.  (Story from Yahoo News)


16 January 2009

Everybody Loves Johnny...

Safety Warning : Do not watch wilst drinking hot liquids or wearing light coloured trousers...

9 January 2009

Goal Fail

Why The Blues lost interest in Boydy?



5 January 2009

Taking The Piss

This is a quality prank, surprised news of this didn't leak out earlier...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/nottinghamshire/7798194.stm

30 December 2008

A Moving Story

A few months ago my neighbours across the street moved away and a young couple moved in to their old house.

The young couple seemed happy with their dog, garage full of petrol powered boy toys (road bike, trail bike, jet ski), and his Subaru Impenis with the obligatory super huge exhaust pipe...

After a couple of months a For Sale sign appeared, the next day a van came to pick up some furniture and the boy toys, and the couple were not seen again.

The swiftness of the move pricked my interest and when my next door neighbours paid us a visit recently I asked the husband if he had any news on what had happened.

"Oh Charlie across the road? He got caught shagging someone at his work. Jacked his job in and moved back home..."

When the neighbours had left I told Mrs TK that I knew what had happened to the couple across the road.

"So do I", said Mrs TK, "Mrs Neighbours Wife told me that the guy was having an affair"

What's in a phrase eh?

27 December 2008

1 Baltic Place

A fitting address at this time of year! on TwitPic

Some addresses are very true, especially at this time of year!

5 December 2008

Wise Words


HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming..  [Alan, age 10]

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.   [Kristen, age 10]

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.  [Camille, aged 10]

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids...  [Derrick, age 8]

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.  [Lori, age 8]

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough..   [Lynnette, age 8]

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.   [Martin, age 10]

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.  [Craig, age 9]

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they're rich.  [Pam, age 7]

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.  [Curt, age 7]

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.  [Howard, age 8]

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.  [Anita, age 9]

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?  [Kelvin, age 8]

And the #1 Favourite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.  [Ricky, age 10]

24 November 2008

Snow Sculpture


As this was being built by two young girls at the back of my house I sincerely hope that this was just a tall thin snowman...



17 November 2008

Dancing Squirrels

Dancing squirrels!

Surely this is what the interwebthingy was invented for...


Thanks to Neatorama for the link.

3 November 2008

31 October 2008

Football Crazy

More hilarity from the far east.




I think I have played with some of these guys and they were just as bad without the binoculars!


30 October 2008

Old Flame

This morning I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who called out of the blue to see if I was still around.

We lost track of time, chatting about
the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that  'old magic.'

I was flabbergasted. "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now," I said, "I'm a bit older and a bit greyer than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the
energy I used to have.'"

She just giggled and said she was sure I would 'rise to
the challenge' "Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my lack of muscle tone...stuff sagging, my teeth not as white and jowls like a Great Dane!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.? She teased me, saying that tubby, grey-haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover. Then she giggled, "I've put on quite a bit of weight myself!"

So I told her to f**k off. 

5 September 2008

Under The Alfluence Of Incohol

Things that are DIFFICULT to say when drunk:

  1. Innovative
  2. Preliminary
  3. Proliferation
  4. Cinnamon

Things that are
VERY DIFFICULT to say when drunk:

  1. Specificity
  2. Anti-constitutionalistically
  3. Passive-aggressive disorder
  4. Tran substantiate

Things that are 
DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE to say when drunk:

  1. No thanks, I'm married.
  2. Nope, no more booze for me!
  3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
  4. Kebab ?  No thanks, I'm not hungry.
  5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
  6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
  7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
  8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
  9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in t his parking lot or on the side of the road.
  10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.


Posted in homage to funny posts from the divine Misssy M and my buddy Big Rab.


3 February 2008

What's It All About, Ashley?

Classic line from the commentator on the Portsmouth v Chelsea game last night.

"Ashley Cole has been getting stick for the whole game. That's what you have to expect when you're playing away from home!"

Chortle Chortle...

30 January 2008

Too Much Monkey Business


Last night in Tomahawk Towers the Wee Fella came running in to the kitchen to tell Mrs TK something...

"Mum, I've just seen an advert on tv for a game that I would like to get for my Wii"

"Really? What game is that then?"

"It's called Donkey Dong and it looks really good"

Cue raised eyebrows and stifled laughter...