Wise Words

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming..  [Alan, age 10]

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.   [Kristen, age 10]

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.  [Camille, aged 10]

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids...  [Derrick, age 8]

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.  [Lori, age 8]

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough..   [Lynnette, age 8]

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.   [Martin, age 10]

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.  [Craig, age 9]

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they're rich.  [Pam, age 7]

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.  [Curt, age 7]

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.  [Howard, age 8]

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.  [Anita, age 9]

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?  [Kelvin, age 8]

And the #1 Favourite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.  [Ricky, age 10]

Tales Out Of School

Mrs TK works in the local primary school and has a lot of laughs with the kids there and some of the things they say.

The other day she was on duty in the playground when one of the younger girls came up to her, full of excitement.

"Mrs TK, Mrs TK. Come and see my grandfather!"

Thinking that she was going to see some elderly gentleman leaning over the school gate smiling indulgently at his favourite granddaughter Mrs TK followed the little girl round the corner of the school.

Coming to a muddy patch of ground the little girl started jumping for joy, pointing excitedly at the ground and exclaiming "Look, look. It's my grandfather, he's come to see me!". Looking down Mrs TK discovered that the source of this unbridled joy was a large wriggly earthworm.

The little girl went on to explain, "It's my grandfather Mrs TK. He died and my mummy said that when people die they sometimes come back as animals and things and this is my grandfather and he's come back to see me and I am so happy to see him it's my grandfather it's my grandfather , it is, it is!"

Mrs TK said she was very pleased to meet the little girls grandfather, made her excuses, and left the little girl playing happily and introducing her friends to the wriggly creature.

Sadly, some time later, the little girl appeared at Mrs TK's side. Gone was the exhuberant, happy face, now the child was in floods of tears...

"Oh Mrs TK, it's terrible. Someone has thrown my grandfather into the stream..."

Oh the cruelty of children! Cue two minute pep talk about how worms can swim and how her grandfather would now be happy and having fun swimming around in the big river...

Just lucky that nobody stamped on him or cut him in half, that would have been far more difficult to explain!