Received this by email today.
The Glasgow , or more properly "Glesca", dialect is known to be extremely concise, as so much can be said in so few words.
Consider for example, this exchange between a car-driver, and the police officer who pulled him over. Interpretation is provided inside the brackets.
Police officer: Yaw rite? (Are you feeling ill?)
Driver: 'maw rite. (No. I'm feeling exceptionally well, thank you)
Yeshoor? (Are you entirely certain of that fact?)
Aye. (Yes)
Zisyoors? (Are you the registered owner of this vehicle?)
Zwitmine? (Which vehicle are you referring to?)
Ris caur (The automobile in which you are presently seated)
Sibrurn laws (Actually, it belongs to my sister's husband)
Wers heeren? (Can you tell me where he can be located?)
Raboozers (He is a guest of the local hostelry.)
Yebeen garglin'? (Have you partaken of any alcoholic beverages, in the recent past?)
Jissa cupple (I have consumed only one or two small cocktails, prior to dinner.)
Yur stoatin' (It is my considered opinion that you are considerably under the influence of alcohol.)
Naw'mno' (I beg to differ.)
Ye urstoatin' (I believe that my initial observation is correct, and that you are being somewhat deceitful.)
Umnoe (I swear that I am being entirely truthful.)
Geezyer licence (Would you be kind enough to allow me to inspect your drivers licence?)
' Vno Goatwan (I am not in possession of such a document.)
Geroot racaur (Kindly remove yourself from the automobile.)
Whiffur? (By what legal right do you make this request?)
'Mapolis (I am a member of the local constabulary.)
Ommigoad (I call upon the Supreme Being, witness this moment of extreme duress.)
Geroot Ren (Will you now please extricate yourself from your position behind the steering wheel.)
Awrite, 'mcomin' (I am proceeding to do so with all possible speed.)
Blawris up ( Are you familiar with the breathalyser test?.)
' Mgonny Besik (I believe that I am about to be violently ill.)
Noanme Yurno (Please exercise a great deal of caution as to the direction your involuntary emission takes.)
' Mawrite Noo (Having ridden my digestive tract of an accumulation of nausea-inducing substances, I now feel better.)
Getna Paddywagon (Please be kind enough to accept a short ride in the humble vehicle provided for my use by the local police.)
Wer Wigaun? (May I be so forward as to make an enquiry as to our ultimate destination?)
Ra Jile (To my headquarters, where you will be incarcerated.)
Ohmigoad, rawife'll murder me (Once again I call upon the Supreme Being to witness this unfortunate turn of events.Incidentally, I must inform you that my spouse will take my life, illegally.)
Getna Wagon (May I offer you my assistance in climbing into the back of my vehicle.)
Aw, Neveragain. Ratsit furme (I have now learned a valuable lesson, and I hereby declare total abstinence from all alcoholic beverages hence forth.)
8 May 2007
Shakey At The Station
A real curio this one.
Neil Young busking outside Glasgow Central Station in 1976. This clip of Shakey performing The Old Laughing Lady on the banjo was apparently part of a larger film project.
Terrible picture quality but an interesting video nonetheless.
Neil Young busking outside Glasgow Central Station in 1976. This clip of Shakey performing The Old Laughing Lady on the banjo was apparently part of a larger film project.
Terrible picture quality but an interesting video nonetheless.
5 May 2007
4 May 2007
The X Factor
Scotland awakes this morning to find itself like an elderly oriental gentleman who has run out of viagra - yes, sadly, we are just unable to hold a decent election!
The decision to hold two elections, one for the Scottish parliament and one for local authorities, each with different voting systems, X in one box versus 1,2,3, etc in order of preference, seems to have confused the general populace. The number of spoilt ballot papers, estimated to be in excess of 100,000, would be enough to guarantee the "Cannae fill a wee form in properly" party a parliamentary seat. According to the BBC the returning officer for Glasgow Shettleston said there had been 2,035 spoilt papers in that count alone - however geographical factors cannot be discounted in this case, one resident reputedly complained about having to sign his name so many times...
The new technology, brought in to replace the tried and tested manual vote counting of old, has also encountered problems. Papers have been jamming in the counting scanners and there are reports of some being chewed up and spat back out by the machinery. Those votes that have made it through into the system have been counted, compiled and sent to the central computer. The only problem now is that the central computer is refusing to send back the results.
Other problems have been weather related: a helicopter grounded by fog held up deliberations in the highlands, and further problems were encountered with a boat delivering votes from Arran.
To add to all this fun and hilarity it appears that it all got a but much for one gentleman in Edinburgh who having cast his vote returned to the polling station with a golf club, destroyed a few ballot boxes and proceeded to rip up the ballot papers contained within them... Cue a long night of "ballot paper jigsaw puzzles" and a few rolls of sellotape for the election staff!
The repercussions from this farce will rumble on for a long, long time....
The decision to hold two elections, one for the Scottish parliament and one for local authorities, each with different voting systems, X in one box versus 1,2,3, etc in order of preference, seems to have confused the general populace. The number of spoilt ballot papers, estimated to be in excess of 100,000, would be enough to guarantee the "Cannae fill a wee form in properly" party a parliamentary seat. According to the BBC the returning officer for Glasgow Shettleston said there had been 2,035 spoilt papers in that count alone - however geographical factors cannot be discounted in this case, one resident reputedly complained about having to sign his name so many times...
The new technology, brought in to replace the tried and tested manual vote counting of old, has also encountered problems. Papers have been jamming in the counting scanners and there are reports of some being chewed up and spat back out by the machinery. Those votes that have made it through into the system have been counted, compiled and sent to the central computer. The only problem now is that the central computer is refusing to send back the results.
Other problems have been weather related: a helicopter grounded by fog held up deliberations in the highlands, and further problems were encountered with a boat delivering votes from Arran.
To add to all this fun and hilarity it appears that it all got a but much for one gentleman in Edinburgh who having cast his vote returned to the polling station with a golf club, destroyed a few ballot boxes and proceeded to rip up the ballot papers contained within them... Cue a long night of "ballot paper jigsaw puzzles" and a few rolls of sellotape for the election staff!
The repercussions from this farce will rumble on for a long, long time....
3 May 2007
2 May 2007
Vindapoo
I've had some crap curries in my time but this one takes the biscuit...
From the BBC website:
A disgruntled wife has admitted feeding her estranged husband a curry containing dog excrement after their relationship broke down.
...
At first she claimed she had laced the dish with arsenic but then confessed she had added dog excrement instead.
The court heard that the couple had been married for 21 years but in recent years their relationship "had hit an all time low".
For the full story follow the link.
Link : BBC News
From the BBC website:
A disgruntled wife has admitted feeding her estranged husband a curry containing dog excrement after their relationship broke down.
...
At first she claimed she had laced the dish with arsenic but then confessed she had added dog excrement instead.
The court heard that the couple had been married for 21 years but in recent years their relationship "had hit an all time low".
For the full story follow the link.
Link : BBC News
1 May 2007
Life In A Day
From the Flickr site :
"It's coming! 24 Hours of Flickr: A global Flickr community event
What happens around the world in one day? In a word – life. Here on Flickr, our members are sharing the world that they see: snapping daily moments, recording history, telling stories, capturing beauty.
To celebrate this global community, we invite you to join us in 24 Hours of Flickr, a day-long global photo project. On May 5 2007, grab your camera and whatever else you need, and chronicle your day in pictures.
Join the 24 Hours of Flickr group to get ready for the big day. After the big day, post your best photo to the group. We'd love to see the group photos on a map as well, so make sure you add your photos to the map using the Organizr.
Remember! We want the photos here to illustrate one day in the life of the Flickr community — May 5, 2007 — so, you can only submit a photo taken on May 5. (You'll have until May 21 to add your photo.)
The event will be commemorated by a companion 24 Hours of Flickr book, which will contain a selection of photographs chosen from the group. Additionally, the group's photos will be featured at Flickr events around the world this summer."
I love events like this and am going to try and contribute.
Its always interesting to see the photos that people post from all around the globe. Events like this seem to tap into a huge reservoir of talent.
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