5 September 2008
Scary Kilty Guy
Where Was I When?
Princess Diana’s death - 31 August 1997
Ah, I do remember this! Do I get a point?
Can't recall and don't really care.
I was at work and it was one of those occassions where all sorts of mixed messages where coming in, people phoning their loved ones at home to get the latest from the radio or television, all sorts of rumours flying around - kind of like the day Mo Johnstone signed for Rangers.
Watched this at home, much as I watch any football that is available - on the box or in real life! Another glorious failure. I think that most people in Scotland don't actually mind the majority of the players, its the arrogant, annoying, small minded, ignorant, feckwits that present and commentate on the matches for the EBC that get on everyone's thruppennies!
I was three. I lived in Nottingham. I had a red tricycle. I vaguely recall a "girlfriend" that lived round the corner. I was once knocked unconscious when my Dad accidentally pulled me into a lamppost. I almost sliced off the top of my thumb trying to peel an apple.
Under The Alfluence Of Incohol
Things that are DIFFICULT to say when drunk:
- Innovative
- Preliminary
- Proliferation
- Cinnamon
Things that are VERY DIFFICULT to say when drunk:
- Specificity
- Anti-constitutionalistically
- Passive-aggressive disorder
- Tran substantiate
Things that are DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE to say when drunk:
- No thanks, I'm married.
- Nope, no more booze for me!
- Sorry, but you're not really my type.
- Kebab ? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
- Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
- Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
- I'm not interested in fighting you.
- Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
- Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in t his parking lot or on the side of the road.
- I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.
Posted in homage to funny posts from the divine Misssy M and my buddy Big Rab.
3 June 2008
Biccie Business
Biscuits 'key' to clinching business deals
About four out of five UK businesses believe the type of biscuit they serve to potential clients could clinch the deal or make it crumble, a survey says.
The outcome of a meeting could be influenced by the range and quality of biscuits, according to 1,000 business professionals quizzed by Holiday Inn.
The chocolate digestive was deemed to make the best impression followed by shortbread and Hob Nobs.
Lawyers were most impressed by good boardroom biccies, the survey added.
Dunking Do-Nots
Jammie Dodgers and Bourbons were also among the biscuit types thought to help sweet-talk customers.
However crumbly biscuits are a big no-no in the meeting environment, the questionnaire found, with 30% frowning on a regular digestive in the work environment.
And when it comes to helping yourself to biscuits from a communal plate, the most acceptable number to take is two, the research concluded.
However more than half of respondents looked down on dunking biscuits in tea or coffee during a meeting.
A survey released last year, which quizzed 7,000 people, suggested that the custard cream is the nation's favourite biscuit.
---------
What's your favourite workplace snack?
2 June 2008
Vid 2.0 ?
Spot all the YouTube "stars" making guest appearances.
21 April 2008
Ne'er cast a cloot...
You sir!
Yes, you with the flower patterned bermuda shorts and the green flip flops!
You are a mentalist!!
7 March 2008
Tales Out Of School
The other day she was on duty in the playground when one of the younger girls came up to her, full of excitement.
"Mrs TK, Mrs TK. Come and see my grandfather!"
Thinking that she was going to see some elderly gentleman leaning over the school gate smiling indulgently at his favourite granddaughter Mrs TK followed the little girl round the corner of the school.
Coming to a muddy patch of ground the little girl started jumping for joy, pointing excitedly at the ground and exclaiming "Look, look. It's my grandfather, he's come to see me!". Looking down Mrs TK discovered that the source of this unbridled joy was a large wriggly earthworm.
The little girl went on to explain, "It's my grandfather Mrs TK. He died and my mummy said that when people die they sometimes come back as animals and things and this is my grandfather and he's come back to see me and I am so happy to see him it's my grandfather it's my grandfather , it is, it is!"
Mrs TK said she was very pleased to meet the little girls grandfather, made her excuses, and left the little girl playing happily and introducing her friends to the wriggly creature.
Sadly, some time later, the little girl appeared at Mrs TK's side. Gone was the exhuberant, happy face, now the child was in floods of tears...
"Oh Mrs TK, it's terrible. Someone has thrown my grandfather into the stream..."
Oh the cruelty of children! Cue two minute pep talk about how worms can swim and how her grandfather would now be happy and having fun swimming around in the big river...
Just lucky that nobody stamped on him or cut him in half, that would have been far more difficult to explain!