Why We Needed Punk #3

Politically Incorrect Joke Of The Day

This morning on the way to work I rear-ended a car at some lights whilst not really paying attention.

The driver got out.. he was a dwarf. He said, "I'm not happy"...

I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"

Songs Of A Sons Lover

My dear friend Big Rab has started blogging.

He hopes to share some quality tunes with us.

Check out his initial selection.

Link : Songs Of A Sons Lover

Nae Mair Naomi

Tonight's episode of The Apprentice was quality television simply crammed with cringe inducing moments.

The section where Simon was demonstrating how to put together the mini trampoline was pure comedy gold. See for yourself at http://www.bbc.co.uk/apprentice/videos.html , select Previews, the Simon's Solo Slot (Week 10).

Sad to see the aptly named Naomi Lay and her quality cleavage being fired. This leaves Simon and Tre as the only tits worth watching on the show. (Please excuse me I appear to have turned into Bernard Manning for a second there!)

Girly Man!

No better way to cheer yourself up than to watch a quite extraordinary Bollywood version of Michael Jackson's Thriller complete with bizarre english "translation" subtitles.

Enjoy!

Bitter & Twisted

Not been in a great mood for the past couple of days.

If you are looking for a hotbed of intrigue and betrayal look no further than juvenile football. You would think it would be fairly simple to put a bunch of youngsters on the park to play football wouldn't you?

Well, things have happened within my own club in the past 24 hours that have made me question whether I want to continue.

I am not going to go into detail here, suffice to say that there's nowt as queer as folk.

Kneerly Better

Went to see the doc last night to get the post-op word on my knee. Showed me lots of interesting pictures of the inside of my knee joint and the torn section of cartilage that had to be removed. Apart from the cartilage I apparently have signs of wear on the underside of my kneecap but all else seems ok.

Anyhoo, it all seems to be healing according to plan so I just have to keep doing my exercises and I should be fully recovered in 12 top 16 weeks.

The good news is that according to the doctor he sees no reason for me to give up playing football. Hooray! Apparently I just need to "listen" to my knee and I will soon know if I am overworking it.

Once More Into The Tube Dear Friends

A real 80's throwback for you today.

As Scottish as a tin of shortbread, looking like the work of some crazed doll designer, and obviously as mad as a box of frogs...

Strawberry Switchblade

Where are they now? And what do they look like?

I did a quick Google and found a site that answered my questions. Link : Strawberry Switchblade

Cat Toon

-Anyone familiar with the LOL Cats pictures that are flooding the interwebthingy at the moment will appreciate this cartoon from the geek humorists at xkc.com

Link : LOL Cats photo collection

Link : xkcd.com A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language.

Please Help

Through The Keyhole

This morning I am off to discover the joys of modern day surgical techniques first hand (or knee!).

Hopefully I will soon be back up, hobbling around, and generally being my usual large, ungraceful, self. I certainly hope so as I have a football tournament to attend on Saturday - in a non playing capacity of course!

I haven't had a general anaesthetic since having a tooth removed as a child (this was before they stopped dentists giving you gas - they were killing too many patients!) and still remember having vivid dreams about being in a Deputy Dawg cartoon. Goodness knows where my twisted subconscious will take me today...

100 Records That Changed The World

Mojo magazine recruited a panel of musicians to nominate the records that moved the earth for them and published the top 100 which I have reproduced below.

In the style of the 100 Books meme, copy the list to your own blog, bold or highlight the records you have in your collection or your iTunes library, then add a record that changed your life that didn't make the list. After you've finished come back and leave a comment, it would also be nice if you linked back to here from your post.


100 Gnarls Barkley : Crazy : single
99 The Stone Roses : The Stone Roses : album
98 Iron Maiden : Iron Maiden : album
97 Television : Marquee Moon : album
96 Donna Summer : I Feel Love : single
95 Green Day : Dookie : album
94 The Libertines : Up The Bracket : album
93 Nina Simone : To Be Young Gifted & Black : single
92 The Strokes : Is This It : album
91 Louis Armstrong & His Hot Five : West End Blues : single
90 Phuture : Acid Tracks : single
89 Oasis : Definitely Maybe : album
88 Queen : Sheer Heart Attack : album
87 Radiohead : The Bends : album
86 The Animals : The House Of The Rising Sun : single
85 Sonic Youth : EVOL : album
84 The Shadows : Apache : single
83 The Cure : Pornography : album
82 The Jesus & Mary Chain : Psychocandy : album
81 The Band : Music From The Big Pink : album
80 The Smiths : This Charming Man : single
79 Pixies : Surfer Rosa : album
78 Nick Drake : Five Leaves Left : album
77 Gang Of Four : Entertainment! : album
76 Big Youth : Screaming Target : album
75 R.E.M. : Murmur : album
74 Carole King : Tapestry : album
73 T. Rex : Get It On (Bang A Gong) : single
72 Bruce Springsteen : Born To Run : album
71 Public Image Ltd : Public Image : album
70 The Kingsmen : Louie Louie : single
69 MC5 : Kick Out The Jams : album
68 Brian Eno : Discreet Music : album
67 Billie Holiday : Strange Fruit : single
66 Love : Love : album
65 Joni Mitchell : Blue : album
64 David Bowie : Low : album
63 Marvin Gaye : What's Going On : album
62 Can : Tago Mago : album
61 N.W.A. : Straight Outta Compton : album
60 John Coltrane : My Favourite Things : album
59 The Upsetters : Blackboard Jungle Dub : album
58 Fairport Convention : Liege & Leif : album
57 The Byrds : Sweetheart Of The Rodeo : album
56 Pink Floyd : Arnold Layne : single
55 John Lennon : John Lennon : Plastic Ono Band : album
54 Chic : Good Times : single
53 Neil Young : Everyone Knows This Is Nowhere : album
52 Buddy Holly : That'll Be The Day : single
51 Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band : Trout Mask Replica : album
50 Stevie Wonder : Innervisions : album
49 The Doors : The Doors : album
48 The Rolling Stones : Sympathy For The Devil : album track
47 Sam Cooke : You Send Me : single
46 Joy Division : Unknown Pleasures : album
45 The Ronettes : Be My Baby : single
44 The Who : My Generation : single
43 Miles Davis : Kind Of Blue : album
42 Various : Nuggets : album
41 Link Wray : Rumble : single
40 The Beatles : Revolver : album
39 New York Dolls : New York Dolls : album
38 Lonnie Donegan : Rock Island Line : single
37 Jeff Buckley : Grace : album
36 The Stooges : Fun House : album
35 Davy Graham With Alexis Korner : 3/4AD : EP
34 Bob Marley & The Wailers : Exodus : album
33 Michael Jackson : Thriller : album
32 Jimmie Rodgers : Blue Yodel #1 (T For Texas) : single
31 David Bowie : The Rise And Fall Of Ziggy Stardust And The Spiders From Mars : album
30 Hank Williams : Move It On Over : single
29 Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five : The Message : single
28 Patti Smith : Horses : album
27 Nirvana : Smells Like Teen Spirit : single
26 Charlie Parker : Koko : single
25 Black Sabbath : Black Sabbath : album
24 The Clash : London Calling : album
23 Howlin' Wolf : The Rocking Chair Album : album
22 Ramones : Ramones : album
21 The Beach Boys : Pet Sounds : album
20 Led Zeppelin : IV : album
19 The Rolling Stones : (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction : single
18 Aretha Franklin : I Never Loved A Man The Way I Love You : album
17 Bob Dylan : Like A Rolling Stone : single
16 The Beatles : Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band : album
15 James Brown : Papa's Got A Brand New Bag : single
14 The Jimi Hendrix Experience : Purple Haze : single
13 Woody Guthrie : Dust Bowl Ballads : album
12 Chick Berry : Johnny B. Goode : single
11 Frank Sinatra : In The Wee Small Hours : album
10 Sex Pistols : God Save The Queen : single
9 Ray Charles : What'd I Say : single
8 Various : Anthology Of American Folk Music : album
7 The Velvet Underground And Nico : The Velvet Underground : album
6 Robert Johnson : King Of The Delta Blues Singers : album
5 Kraftwerk : Autobahn : album
4 Bob Dylan : The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan : album
3 Elvis Presley : Heartbreak Hotel : single
2 The Beatles : I Want To Hold Your Hand : single
1 Little Richard : Tutti Frutti : single

A personal life changing track that didn't make the list is:

Sex Pistols : Anarchy In The UK : single.

I was 16 when this was released and had to order the single in specially via the Helensburgh branch of John Menzies. I had seen the growing articles in the music press about this new thing called punk and wanted a chance to hear for myself the key players in the movement.

I still remember the looks I got in the shop after I conned the girl in the record department into playing the single "to check its ok" as the thunderous guitar riff thundered round the shop floor followed by Mr Lydon's sneering vocal it was like a noise from another planet invading sweet suburbia.

I loved it, took it home and played it to death.

From that point my life was changed, and the prog rock that up until then had been the norm for mid 70's teenage males was kicked into the back seat. The floodgates had been opened and new music, played with a new attitude came pouring through....

Electronik Supersonik

A little Zlad for you, as its Eurovision night...

Funny But Worry

Can something be hilariously funny yet disturbing at the same time?

Read this account of just how far someone pushed the envelope with the signature validation for credit card receipts and find yourself starting to worry through the tears of laughter...

All this before good old "Chip & Pin" though.

Link : The Credit Card Prank

A Picture I Thought I Would Never See

"DUP leader Ian Paisley and Sinn Fein's Martin McGuinness took office as first and deputy first ministers as five years of direct rule ended."

A few years ago if anyone had looked into the future and predicted the above image and sentence they would have been carted away to the funny farm. The "troubles" in Northern Ireland seemed never ending and positions on both sides too entrenched for anyone to envisage such progress.

Let's all hope that this is the start of a bright new future for the populace of Northern Ireland and that old enmities can be left firmly in the past.

Perhaps some of the more extreme knuckle-dragging "supporters" of the Old Firm could learn a lesson here...

Super Furry Words

Great post from Groanin' Jock on the lyrics of Gruff Rhys of the Super Furry Animals.

I have to confess that I have not heard a great deal of the band's output, apart from the odd single.

After reading this post I am definitely going to check them out a bit more closely.

Link : Groanin' Jock - Apathy Only Ruined Me

Oh The Banter

Received this by email today.

The Glasgow , or more properly "Glesca", dialect is known to be extremely concise, as so much can be said in so few words.

Consider for example, this exchange between a car-driver, and the police officer who pulled him over. Interpretation is provided inside the brackets.

Police officer: Yaw rite? (Are you feeling ill?)
Driver: 'maw rite. (No. I'm feeling exceptionally well, thank you)
Yeshoor? (Are you entirely certain of that fact?)
Aye. (Yes)
Zisyoors? (Are you the registered owner of this vehicle?)
Zwitmine? (Which vehicle are you referring to?)
Ris caur (The automobile in which you are presently seated)
Sibrurn laws (Actually, it belongs to my sister's husband)
Wers heeren? (Can you tell me where he can be located?)
Raboozers (He is a guest of the local hostelry.)
Yebeen garglin'? (Have you partaken of any alcoholic beverages, in the recent past?)
Jissa cupple (I have consumed only one or two small cocktails, prior to dinner.)
Yur stoatin' (It is my considered opinion that you are considerably under the influence of alcohol.)
Naw'mno' (I beg to differ.)
Ye urstoatin' (I believe that my initial observation is correct, and that you are being somewhat deceitful.)
Umnoe (I swear that I am being entirely truthful.)
Geezyer licence (Would you be kind enough to allow me to inspect your drivers licence?)
' Vno Goatwan (I am not in possession of such a document.)
Geroot racaur (Kindly remove yourself from the automobile.)
Whiffur? (By what legal right do you make this request?)
'Mapolis (I am a member of the local constabulary.)
Ommigoad (I call upon the Supreme Being, witness this moment of extreme duress.)
Geroot Ren (Will you now please extricate yourself from your position behind the steering wheel.)
Awrite, 'mcomin' (I am proceeding to do so with all possible speed.)
Blawris up ( Are you familiar with the breathalyser test?.)
' Mgonny Besik (I believe that I am about to be violently ill.)
Noanme Yurno (Please exercise a great deal of caution as to the direction your involuntary emission takes.)
' Mawrite Noo (Having ridden my digestive tract of an accumulation of nausea-inducing substances, I now feel better.)
Getna Paddywagon (Please be kind enough to accept a short ride in the humble vehicle provided for my use by the local police.)
Wer Wigaun? (May I be so forward as to make an enquiry as to our ultimate destination?)
Ra Jile (To my headquarters, where you will be incarcerated.)
Ohmigoad, rawife'll murder me (Once again I call upon the Supreme Being to witness this unfortunate turn of events.Incidentally, I must inform you that my spouse will take my life, illegally.)
Getna Wagon (May I offer you my assistance in climbing into the back of my vehicle.)
Aw, Neveragain. Ratsit furme (I have now learned a valuable lesson, and I hereby declare total abstinence from all alcoholic beverages hence forth.)

Shakey At The Station

A real curio this one.

Neil Young busking outside Glasgow Central Station in 1976. This clip of Shakey performing The Old Laughing Lady on the banjo was apparently part of a larger film project.

Terrible picture quality but an interesting video nonetheless.

Why We Needed Punk #2

The X Factor

Scotland awakes this morning to find itself like an elderly oriental gentleman who has run out of viagra - yes, sadly, we are just unable to hold a decent election!

The decision to hold two elections, one for the Scottish parliament and one for local authorities, each with different voting systems, X in one box versus 1,2,3, etc in order of preference, seems to have confused the general populace. The number of spoilt ballot papers, estimated to be in excess of 100,000, would be enough to guarantee the "Cannae fill a wee form in properly" party a parliamentary seat. According to the BBC the returning officer for Glasgow Shettleston said there had been 2,035 spoilt papers in that count alone - however geographical factors cannot be discounted in this case, one resident reputedly complained about having to sign his name so many times...

The new technology, brought in to replace the tried and tested manual vote counting of old, has also encountered problems. Papers have been jamming in the counting scanners and there are reports of some being chewed up and spat back out by the machinery. Those votes that have made it through into the system have been counted, compiled and sent to the central computer. The only problem now is that the central computer is refusing to send back the results.

Other problems have been weather related: a helicopter grounded by fog held up deliberations in the highlands, and further problems were encountered with a boat delivering votes from Arran.

To add to all this fun and hilarity it appears that it all got a but much for one gentleman in Edinburgh who having cast his vote returned to the polling station with a golf club, destroyed a few ballot boxes and proceeded to rip up the ballot papers contained within them... Cue a long night of "ballot paper jigsaw puzzles" and a few rolls of sellotape for the election staff!

The repercussions from this farce will rumble on for a long, long time....

King Magic Ya Dobber

A musical celebration of the weegie ned subculture...

Vindapoo

I've had some crap curries in my time but this one takes the biscuit...

From the BBC website:

A disgruntled wife has admitted feeding her estranged husband a curry containing dog excrement after their relationship broke down.
...
At first she claimed she had laced the dish with arsenic but then confessed she had added dog excrement instead.
The court heard that the couple had been married for 21 years but in recent years their relationship "had hit an all time low".

For the full story follow the link.


Link : BBC News

Life In A Day

From the Flickr site :

"It's coming! 24 Hours of Flickr: A global Flickr community event

What happens around the world in one day? In a word – life. Here on Flickr, our members are sharing the world that they see: snapping daily moments, recording history, telling stories, capturing beauty.

To celebrate this global community, we invite you to join us in 24 Hours of Flickr, a day-long global photo project. On May 5 2007, grab your camera and whatever else you need, and chronicle your day in pictures.

Join the 24 Hours of Flickr group to get ready for the big day. After the big day, post your best photo to the group. We'd love to see the group photos on a map as well, so make sure you add your photos to the map using the Organizr.

Remember! We want the photos here to illustrate one day in the life of the Flickr community — May 5, 2007 — so, you can only submit a photo taken on May 5. (You'll have until May 21 to add your photo.)

The event will be commemorated by a companion 24 Hours of Flickr book, which will contain a selection of photographs chosen from the group. Additionally, the group's photos will be featured at Flickr events around the world this summer."

I love events like this and am going to try and contribute.

Its always interesting to see the photos that people post from all around the globe. Events like this seem to tap into a huge reservoir of talent.