30 September 2007

Doo Doo De Doo Doo

At Pittodrie yesterday myself and the Wee Fella were sat in front of an elderly couple.

A lot of discussion had been going around about the lack of household names in the Gretna squad.

Midway through the second half Gretna made a substitution.

The announcer came over the P.A. "Coming on for Gretna is Colin McMenamin".

"Ah" said one of the elderly fans "At least we know that one".

"True" said his elderly pal "That's the lad the used to play for Liverpool".

28 September 2007

Thank You For Waiting

You have called at a very busy time. You call has been placed in our queuing system and will be answered soon...

Thank you for holding. All of our agents are busy right now, someone will be with you soon...

Hi. Your call will be answered shortly...

Thank you for holding. You call is important to us, someone will be with you very soon...

Still there? Fuck me you're keen...


and on and on and on...

You don't seem to get it do you strange robotic voicemail woman? I am trying to give you money! I am trying to sign up for your overpriced fancy TV service. You know, the one with more pixels than the other one.

If you know it is a busy time why don't you take on some more staff to help rake in the cash? The order via the web thing that you advertise is just a series of web pages with the same phone number at the end of the trail. The order via your blue button on your telly remote doesn't seem to work either. So I'm back to the good old telephone.

Thank you for calling. You've phoned at a very busy time (you prat). Someone will be with you when they can be arsed...

Jock Rock #5 : The Darker Side Of East Kilbride

The Jesus And Mary Chain with April Skies from their second album Darklands.

Formed around the songwriting partnership of the brothers William and Jim Reid the band took The Beach Boys, The Velvet Underground, The Sex Pistols, Duane Eddy and a heaped teaspoon of feedback and put them in a blender.

The result was a dark brooding noise with a pop core, violence, riots at gigs, controversy, a brotherly fall out and finally reconciliation.



The Jesus And Mary Chain Wikipedia entry

26 September 2007

How Can You See If You're A Blind Dug?

Apologies for the scarcity of postings this week, Mrs TK has been taking advantage of the fact that I am between jobs this week and has given me a huge list of chores to do...

Here's a funny wee clip from rainybeetle the madcap behind the Glesga version of the pasta sauce adverts.

This is very funny but distinctly NSFW and if you don't like sweary words you had better close your fucking ears...

24 September 2007

Speccy Speccy Four Eyes

Something strange happened this morning...

I was sitting having a wee ponder about what aspect of my high-flying, non-stop action life I could write a wee blog entry about when an email popped into my inbox. [What's strange about that ya plonker? That's what is supposed to happen...]

This email was from Friends Reunited, you know the site that everyone signed up to a few years ago, making its owners millionaires in the process. The site that put you back in contact with people you knew from school but had lost touch with. The site that let you to swap emails with said lost contacts, thus enabling you to realise why you hadn't bothered to keep in touch with them in the intervening years... You know, that one.

Anyhoo, the email was from Friends Reunited in conjunction with Optical Express, the opticians. They have clubbed together to bring me an offer I might like...

Now, I do wear glasses and have done since about primary 5. These days specs are pretty cool. There are lots of different designer styles from which to choose to help you obtain the right 'look'. Even the kids have wide range of styles to choose from.

Not in my day.

When I went to school the choice for boys, unless your parents were loaded, was National Health spectacle frames in brown "horn rimmed", or black. Neither of these choices made the young TK look cool. This problem became compounded when as part of the day to day rough and tumble of the Scottish Education system both spectacle legs became broken and had to be repaired with tape until it was time to get new ones (an annual occurrence). This was not a good look. At all. Ever.

Wearing specs at school in the 70's was most definitely not cool. The taunts of "Speccy Four Eyes" and "Speccy Speccy Spazz Face" were never too far away. These days there are no doubt rules to protect the occularly challenged from the slightest chance of ridicule, back in the pre-PC days you were fair game, even for the teachers.

Now Friends Reunited (all about schooldays) and Optical Express (all about glasses) are teaming up to send me emails because they think I might be interested...

Is this random, or is there a special section on the FR site where 'normal' kids can nominate speccy kids that they remember in order to drive a targetted marketing campaign?

I think we should be told...

21 September 2007

Last Day Today, Hooray!

Finally.

The end of my ever so exciting notice period.

I am working through my "gettingthefuckouttahere" checklist and have ticked off most of the entries...

A couple of hours from now and this place won't see me for dust!!

I have the contact details for the people I want to stay in touch with so its just a case of handing back the phone, the laptop, the blackberry, the securid card, the id card, the parkit permit, etc etc etc. Maybe in return I can get my soul back!

Internetlife

So Web 2.0 is all about user driven content and social networking and linking us all together to build a better and greater world that we can all have an input to...

So what if business meetings end up being like the comment threads you get everywhere on the interwebthingy these days???

Let's see...

Jock Rock #4 : The Lighter Side Of East Kilbride

Aztec Camera with the wonderful Oblivious from the album High Land, Hard Rain (introduced by the incomparable Ivor Cutler)





Aztec Camera on Wikipedia

20 September 2007

Footie Faces


I'm just loving this football quiz at Chicken Dinner


Loving it but not doing very well at it would be a better description...

Soundtrack Of My Life



My good buddy Groanin' Jock posted on this the other day and was interested to see what my answers would be. So, I thought I had better give it a go.

What music are you currently grooving to?

Not exactly grooving, more waddling about like a fat Fabrizio Ravanelli...

All sorts really : currently checking out the new KT Tunstall, Dr Alimontado, Amy Winehouse, Stephen Stills, plus lots of random stuff off the iPod.

What, if push comes to shove, is your all-time favourite album?

This is difficult as there is so much good music out there and what I want to listen to changes so much with my mood - I am so much more into random tracks from my collection at the moment.

As a musical offering though I think you would be hard pushed to beat Electric Ladyland by Jimi Hendrix. This has everything from short poppy songs to longer less structured sound pieces - plus some of the best guitar playing you will ever hear.

What was the first record you ever bought? And where did you buy it?

The first record I ever bought was the single 'Son Of My Father' by Chicory Tip back in 1972. This was notably one of the first hit singles to feature the Moog synthesiser so it sounded really futuristic to my young ears (and the band looked great - see above, ha ha).

I reckon I must have bought this single at Taylors Music Store in Helensburgh. This was a fabulously old fashioned establishment that concentrated on selling musical instruments and sheet music. They only stocked singles that were in the charts and I seem to recall that these were not on display, to allow browsing through, but instead were kept in a little box behind the counter.

The shop owner would offer to order up anything you desired if he did not have it in stock but I have hazy memories of this being a rather tortuous process involving writing details into one of those order books with the sheet of carbon paper in, and extremely vague delivery times that meant you had to visit the shop about fifteen times to check if your order was in.

Which musician have you ever wanted to be?

I wish I had the talent to just pick up the guitar and play stuff. I mess around sometimes and make a noise but I know I'm not inherently musical.

When I was young I always wanted to be Keith Richards, just 'cos he had that real rock'n'roll swagger, you know. The bugger is still going strong despite living a lifestyle that would, and did, kill lesser men. He's still rocking and is still pretty cool. He may look like he has been dead for years but he is still the human riff and long may he continue.

What do you sing in the shower?

I don't tend to do this a lot. I have a glass shower screen and want to keep it in one piece.

Have been known to try my rendition of Delilah - the Alex Harvey version rather than Tom Jones, far more madness and menace in the delivery.

What is your favourite Saturday night record?

Saturday nights have long since stopped meaning anything special in the TK household, however in the spirit of the question probably something with fairly loud guitars on it - Sweet Child Of Mine usually hits the spot.

And your Sunday morning record?

Sunday morning now equals kids football so goes past in a hectic blur.

If I did have the time to sit and chill I would probably put on something like Miles Davis - Kind Of Blue.

19 September 2007

Hitting The Wrong Note


Working in an office environment sadly means that you tend to get exposed to a lot of the shitty notes that people put up around the place.

passiveaggressivenotes.com has a brilliant collection of this kind of thing rangeing from the funny (like the mobile phone note above) to the downright creepy.

Remember "Your Mother doesn't work here so..."

Dude, Are You OK?

Stupid actor nearly ends himself on camera, sometimes it appears that you do get payback for being a twat...


Actor Nearly Chokes To Death On Camera - Watch more free videos

Via Break.com

18 September 2007

Internet Safety Graphics

Great collection of Internet Safety Graphics over at Cracked.com (via Neatorama).

Strange Malaise

I've really been struggling to 'get going' this past couple of weeks and need to give myself a good shake before starting my new job.

I was on three months notice with my current employer which I negotiated down to two. These have been the longest two months of my life!

I mistakenly thought that having been here for around ten years, and being on a such a long notice period, that the company would be keen to ensure that I handed over everything I was working on and did a brain dump of all the handy stuff that I have picked up over the years. Sadly no. No contact, no deliverables, no real interest from above.

I am therefore feeling slightly miffed and more than a little bit bored...

Still, this is the final week, I have had my 'exit interview' (big joke), so I am just going to concentrate on cleaning up my workspace, making sure I have transferred all my personal files off my work laptop, etc etc etc

I then have a week off to chill and get my head together (whilst I am trying to clear some of the debris from my overstuffed garage) before taking up my new post with a clear head and an annoyingly positive attitude!

That's the plan anyways...

Toute Suite

Hat tip to Scary Duck for his brilliantly composed letter of complaint to the company supposed to be supplying his new sofa...

I especially like how he has tagged his blog entry.

Link : Scary Duck's complaint

Can You See Me?

37 years ago today we lost a man who virtually reinvented the electric guitar as a musical instrument and who created some of the most exciting rock music of our time.

R.I.P. Jimi...

17 September 2007

O.J. Squeezed

CNN reports that O.J. Simpson is being held in jail after being arrested in connection with an armed assault and robbery in Las Vegas.

No news on whether a glove was found at the scene...

14 September 2007

Police Probe Prison Riot 'Links'

From Yahoo News via Fark

Inmates go on sausage 'temper tantrum'

Thu Sep 13, 5:07 PM ET

HOBBS, N.M. - Some Lea County inmates set fires and broke toilets and windows after being told they would be allowed only one sausage at dinner. Jail officials said the inmates began yelling and banging on their doors in what they described in a news release as a "temper tantrum."

Officers from the Lea County Sheriff's and Hobbs Police departments were called in to restore control, and the jail was locked down after Tuesday night's incident.

Some 33 prisoners were involved, Warden Jann Gartman said.

The remaining 300-plus prisoners at the jail accepted the meal without incident, authorities said.

The damage to the jail was light, with some smoke damage and broken toilets and windows, the warden said.
___
Information from: Hobbs News-Sun,
http://www.hobbsnews.com

Scolari, oh oh oh...

And this is the guy that England wanted to have as the manager of the national side...



Looks like he would have fitted right in!

Jock Rock #3 : The Hair Bear Bunch From Dunfermline

Nazareth with This Flight Tonight from the album Loud'N'Proud.

There was a time during my schooldays where it almost became compulsory to carry a copy of a Nazareth album, usually Razamanaz or Loud'N'Proud, under your arm. The band themselves never quite made it as big as they probably deserved to though they were pretty successful.

A later lineup of the band included ex SAHB guitar maestro Zal Cleminson.

The band are currently involved in some second hand chart action after a riff from their track Hair Of The Dog was sampled by Girls Aloud on the single Sexy! No No No. Bizarre...



Nazareth on Wikipedia

13 September 2007

12 September 2007

Now This, I Love


There are some things in this world that seem to have been invented for reasons that I don't understand, but this, pure genius.

Dr Whippy is an ice cream dispenser that uses voice analysis to assess your mood.

The more unhappy you are the more ice cream you get...


Brilliance...

The Pecking Order

Only a week and half left at my current employer so I am currently in "knowledge transfer" mode - tell a bunch of people a bunch of stuff that you know that they are not going to remember and then walk off into the sunset.

My decision to leave for pastures new was completely vindicated today when I was witness to the following telephone exchange between my line manager and his boss :

(5 minutes into conference call)

MLM : Yes, and we really need to agree how to move forward on this key issue. What do you think about...
HB : Sorry, we are going to have to talk about this some other time. I have to feed the goat.

"Feed the goat" isn't a euphemism by the way, he really was going to feed his goat.

If MLM is further down the pecking order than a pet goat, where the fuck does that leave me?

Two Words

Ass

Hole

11 September 2007

Internet People

This animation features lots of familiar characters from the murky world of the interwebthingy...


http://view.break.com/362585 - Watch more free videos

Funny Jumper


Scott Hillburn's cartoons over at The Argyle Sweater are reminiscent of Gary Larson and always good for a chuckle or a wry smile.

Justice?

I have to admit my complete lack of understanding of the Scottish legal system.

This week the trial of a convicted murderer and rapist was thrown out due to lack of evidence. Forensic evidence linked the accused, both victims and his vehicle at the time. The key element in the dismissal of this case appears to be the failure of the prosecution to present any evidence showing a forensic link between the accused and the ligatures used to murder the two young women.

A couple of years ago a 16 year old boy was found guilty of murdering his girlfriend when he was just 14 in a "savage knife attack". There was no forensic evidence linking the boy to the crime, nor any witnesses placing him at the scene.

I just don't get how this works...

10 September 2007

Oh, The Glamour


Legotivity


I have a print of M.C. Escher's Relativity on my wall, so I just loved this Lego version...

7 September 2007

General Knowless

Some of the answers to the simple questions posed here beggar belief.

Whilst it is easy to poke fun at some American citizens who appear to have little knowledge of anything outwith their country, I know that this type of video could just as easily have been made in the UK.

Ignorance is a worldwide problem, and it appears to be growing...

Jock Rock #2 : Otherworldly Sounds From Grangemouth

The Cocteau Twins with Heaven or Las Vegas from the album of the same name.

This is especially for Big Rab who thinks that the Cocteaus are art school pish... nothing could be further from the truth...I don't think they went to art school...

The truth is that The Cocteau Twins have turned out to be extremely influencial. You can hear echoes of their atmospheric soundscapes allied with strange vocalisations in the work of many other bands to this day.





The Cocteaus on Wikipedia.

4 September 2007

Rock, Paper, Sciss...owww!


Offshore Europe Traffic Chaos

It took me an hour longer than normal to drive to work this morning.

Yep, Offshore Europe is back. You can't get a hotel room in Aberdeen for love nor money and traffic chaos reigns once more.

Having sat for ages in a traffic jam that was moving as slowly as a snail with a limp it cheered me up no end to see that Grumpyans friendly boys in blue were doing their bit to ease the situation - by having a bunch of bobbies on the beach esplanade with hand held speed cameras busting all the harassed commuters trying desperately not to be late to work... Bastards.

Aberdeen is pretty mental when Offshore Europe is on but there is no denying that it brings in a lot of money, even the girls who ply their trade outside my lovely office traditionally make a bundle - perhaps they could invest in some more clothing, they are going to catch their death standing about by the roadside, at night, with no simmet on...

Anyway, with things being quiet here, I will probably visit OE this afternoon. There's nothing quite like wandering aimlessly round a huge, crowded, exhibition hall looking at bits of equipment that you have no idea about and gathering huge amounts of free tat that will be binned once safely home...

ho hum...