26 September 2008

Two Words

I overheard a new student the other day telling his friends that he had just heard the most exciting two words he had heard in his life.

This set me to wondering about the power of two words spoken in conjunction.  To be able to bring such joy to a person so quickly is a magical thing.

I randomly thought of some great two word combinations:
  • "Love you"
  • "Chocolate coated"
  • "I'm pregnant" 
  • "Dumbarton promoted"  (for the Sons fans out there)
  • "Jimi Hendrix"
My thoughts then strayed to combinations that brought anything but joy:
  • "Rock Opera"
  • "Skimmed milk"
  • "I'm pregnant"
  • "Dumbarton nil"
  • "James Blunt"

The words that were bringing joy to the student...

"Free Pizza"

What are your favourite or least favourite two word combinations?

22 September 2008

Internet Meme Timeline

Came across this very entertaining and informative timeline showing the history of the internet meme.

Hosted on the timeline sharing site Dipity it features all the old favourites : I can has cheezburger?; Leave Britney Alone; Evolution of Dance; Diet Coke and Mentos; and Dramatic Chipmunk; plus hundreds more.

Well worth a look.

One of the scariest things I cam across was TimeCube.com . Described as "the first Internet equivalent of a schizophrenic homeless guy screaming on a streetcorner" the author Gene Ray appears seriously deranged as well as being extremely homophobic. 

Go visit if you want a brief glimpse into the abyss of mental illness. Shiver...

17 September 2008

The Aberdeen Exception

Roundabouts.

A fairly simple road junction to deal with.

The Highway Code advises that on approaching the roundabout you make sure you are in the right lane.

If there are two lanes entering the roundabout you should be in the left hand lane if you wish to leave via the first or second exit. If you wish to leave via the second or third (or fourth etc) exit you should enter from the right hand lane.  You should indicate a left turn once you have passed the exit prior to the one you wish to leave by.

All of the above means that when you go to exit the roundabout your path should be clear.

Simple.

Except if you live in Aberdeen.

I am convinced that there must be a location specific appendix to the code, The Aberdeen Exception, which applies only to this part of the world.  I believe that this was probably introduced as part of the Mastrick Treaty (copyright Scotland The What, nineteen canteen).

Motorists in Aberdeen seem to believe that the entry lane to a roundabout, and your positioning as you make your way round to your intended exit, is of no consequence whatsoever.

In Aberdeen it appears to be the norm that if you wish to take the third exit from the roundabout, the one that involves driving 3/4 of the way round it, that you enter via the left hand lane and just gaily cruise round the outside of the roundabout cutting across other traffic and generally causing much stamping on brakes, wailing, gnashing of teeth, waving of fists etc.

I have been subjected to this in other cities but only rarely, I tend to put it down to people visiting from the North East.  In and around Aberdeen it is a daily occurrence.  The roads department have even painted handy arrows on the road pointing out which way you should be going.  

Does it make a difference?  

Nae really.

What prompted this rather grumpy post?  Did you get cut up by one of these dozy feckers last night, TK?

Yes I bloody well did.  

I am tempted to buy an old clunker, something large and heavy, and cruise round the busiest roundabouts in the city.  Then, when some eejit cuts right across my exit, I'll just ram straight into them.  You'd be gay not to really...

Has anyone else been subjected to this unfortunate trait, or am I just imagining it?

5 September 2008

Scary Kilty Guy

Whilst I'm back here in the blogowotsit I will take the chance to ask you good people of the 'Deen a question that has been bothering me.

Who is the Scary Kilty Guy?

You know, the guy that you always see about town wearing a strange sort of leather and kilt combination.

Big guy with one of those combo haircuts : shaved at the front with a long black ponytail.

He strides about the place as though he is either on his way to somewhere or on his way back...

Who is he?

What does he do?

What is with the strange garb?


Can anyone enlighten me?  Post any info you have in the comments please.

p.s. I mean the big scary kilty guy, not the weedy but also very scary kilty guy described here.

Where Was I When?

My buddy Big Rab of the excellent Ben Lomond Free Press has decided to wake me from my blog slumbers by tagging me with one of those ridiculous memes.  This one requires me to recall where I was and what I was doing on certain key historical dates.  This is rather funny as my memory has never been great and recently has developed more holes in it than than one of those holey things, I forget the name.  These days I can only tell if I have been to the toilet recently by the relative dampness of my trousers...

Anyway, here goes nothing...

Princess Diana’s death - 31 August 1997

Ah, I do remember this! Do I get a point?

Me and Mrs TK had travelled long and far to get to our holiday retreat, a waterside apartment in Falmouth, Cornwall.

The previous occupants had obviously been using the beside alarm clock radio to waken them bright and early in the morning - on holiday?  Numbskulls!

Anyway, the bloody thing went off and I couldn't find the off button without wakening myself up properly so I decided just to let the radio news guy witter on.

So I'm lying in a strange bed, in a strange room, in a strange flat, in that "not quite knowing where you are and is this a dream by the way?" state, listening to this bizarre news item about a car crash in a tunnel in Paris etc etc

One of the wierdest mornings I have ever experienced.

Coincidentally we drove back up the length of the country on the day of the funeral.  Great trip, hardly any traffic on the road, made it back home in half the time!

Margaret Thatcher’s resignation 22 November 1990

Can't recall and don't really care.

Has the old bitch died yet?

Is it time to help Elvis tramp the dirt down?

Attack on the twin towers - 11 September 2001

I was at work and it was one of those occassions where all sorts of mixed messages where coming in, people phoning their loved ones at home to get the latest from the radio or television, all sorts of rumours flying around - kind of like the day Mo Johnstone signed for Rangers.

Finally someone managed to get hold of a telly that was used for showing presentations and set it up in one of the meeting rooms.  I cannot adequately describe the power of the images on that screen that day.  A bunch of us stood transfixed watching the planes flying into the towers over and over again, the repeating of the action never once diminishing the shock that everyone felt.

Something changed in the world that day and there's no going back.

I had been lucky enough to visit the Twin Towers on a visit to New York a couple of years before and the thought that the attack could just of easily happened then still sends a chill down my spine. 

England’s World Cup Semi Final v (West) Germany - 4 July 1990

Watched this at home, much as I watch any football that is available - on the box or in real life! Another glorious failure.  I think that most people in Scotland don't actually mind the majority of the players, its the arrogant, annoying, small minded, ignorant, feckwits that present and commentate on the matches for the EBC that get on everyone's thruppennies!

President Kennedy’s Assassination - 22 November 1963

I was three.  I lived in Nottingham.  I had a red tricycle.  I vaguely recall a "girlfriend" that lived round the corner.  I was once knocked unconscious when my Dad accidentally pulled me into a lamppost.  I almost sliced off the top of my thumb trying to peel an apple.  

I have absolutely no recollection of President Kennedy's assassination.

---

I have no intention of tagging anyone for this meme, if you read this and feel like taking part please do, and don't forget to point back down the chain like a good citizen...

Toodle pip.

Under The Alfluence Of Incohol

Things that are DIFFICULT to say when drunk:

  1. Innovative
  2. Preliminary
  3. Proliferation
  4. Cinnamon

Things that are
VERY DIFFICULT to say when drunk:

  1. Specificity
  2. Anti-constitutionalistically
  3. Passive-aggressive disorder
  4. Tran substantiate

Things that are 
DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE to say when drunk:

  1. No thanks, I'm married.
  2. Nope, no more booze for me!
  3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
  4. Kebab ?  No thanks, I'm not hungry.
  5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
  6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
  7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
  8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
  9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in t his parking lot or on the side of the road.
  10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.


Posted in homage to funny posts from the divine Misssy M and my buddy Big Rab.