Festive Greetings

Today is the last day of work before the Xmas break and one cannot but help but ruminate on the festive period ahead.

 

Some people fail to appreciate the true meaning of Xmas, trying to bring religion into the equation.  What rot.

 

Xmas is all about excess:

 

Spending to excess on ridiculous presents that are this years "must have" gifts - time for a Wii anyone?

 

Drinking to excess, expecially drinks that wouldn't normally pass your lips at other times of the year - eggnog, that stuff that is black and white - comes in a bottle with two openings...

 

Eating to excess (my personal favourite), what other time of the year could you get away with insisting that it is essential that you have a choice of three puddings, and that you want a helping of each one.

 

 

Excess - putting the X into Xmas for as long as I can remember.

 

 

Enjoy...

 

p.s. The Great Escape is on the box again this year, after being notably absent for a while, surely this time Steve McQueen is going to make it over that bloody fence....

 

 

 

Clear And Present Chaos

Firstly, apologies for the lack of postings recently - I will try and get back on track in the new year.

Secondly regular readers will know that I recently took up a new job having left the one I had with a major engineering company because of the never ending management incompetence.

The following emails are in no way related to that situation or any of my previous ineffectual bosses. No way at all.

These emails were sent out on consecutive days last week and were like a beacon of clarity shining through the foggy murk of corporate IT support. Names have been changed to protect the feckless innocent.

Tuesday

Subject : Christmas Cover

All,

With the various changes in reporting and organisation it appears there is some confusion over the Christmas break and Christmas Eve in particular.

Many businesses are closing on the Friday before Christmas and not re-opening until after the festive season. It is expected that staff will allocate a day extra from usual allowances to cater for this. We follow the same approach unless local requirements need cover.

Regards

Havna O'Clugh
Head Of A Really Huge Team Of People And Really Quite Important These Days Doncha Know


Wednesday

Subject : Christmas Cover

All,

Sorry, I got some duff information when I first picked Operations up.

We only need staff coverage on site, or on call, during the Christmas Period if the business is working and has agreed to cover costs.

Apologies for any confusion.

Regards

Havna O'Clugh


Thursday

Subject : Christmas Cover

All,

Hands up and sorry for the continuing confusion.

We do need cover over the days the the Servicedesk is open on call. You should allow staff who volunteer to take an additional day in Lieu of the holiday.

One body each day in each region please.

Very sorry my fault.

Havna


Oh I miss the old place so much...

Bring It On

Blogging from Madrid today.

Got here last night after a fairly tortuous journey, place is jumping with Dons fans.

Been around the Bernebau this morning and bumped into the Aberdeen squad who all seem in good spirits.

Only downer so far is one of our party getting his wallet robbed by some minker when boarding a crowded Metro train. Some other guy had his wallet lifted out of his sporran too. Bastards.

All the Aberdeen fans are to gather in one area tonight before the game, should be a fantastic atmosphere.

Let´s just hope we get a decent result...

Jock Rock #12 : Delight From Dundee

Danny Wilson with Mary's Prayer from the album Meet Danny Wilson.

Possibly the nicest sound to ever come out of Dundee this track is pure aural gold.

Following the break up of the band vocalist Gary Clark went on to have a successful songwriting and production career working with artists such as Natalie Imbruglia and Liz Phair amongst others.



Danny Wilson on Wikipedia

The Sun Has Got His Hat On

I can hardly believe it, the rain has stopped!

Since I moved up to the North East I have been mightily impressed with the brevity of the rain showers and have managed to ween myself off my old habit of taking an umbrella with me everywhere. When I lived on the West Coast my brolly was my constant companion.

But this week! Michty me!! I wasn't sure whether to hold the kids football training last night or have a communal ark building session.

Now we just have to raise the temperature a couple of degrees!

Absolutely Motty

Not sure what I enjoyed most about tonight's game.

Was it Motty and Lawro clutching at straws by hoping against hope that Andorra would beat Russia?

Or was it Gary Lineker's saaaaaaaaaad face?

Jury's out...

Alarm Cat

Anyone who has ever shared their living space with a feline will recognise this behaviour.



wake-up.wmv

Sanity Clause

That's it. The world has finally gone completely bonkers...

Santas warned 'ho ho ho' offensive to women

Wed Nov 14, 11:04 PM ET

SYDNEY (AFP) - Santas in Australia's largest city have been told not to use Father Christmas's traditional "ho ho ho" greeting because it may be offensive to women, it was reported Thursday.

Sydney's Santa Clauses have instead been instructed to say "ha ha ha" instead, the Daily Telegraph reported.

One disgruntled Santa told the newspaper a recruitment firm warned him not to use "ho ho ho" because it could frighten children and was too close to "ho", a US slang term for prostitute.

"Gimme a break," said Julie Gale, who runs the campaign against sexualising children called Kids Free 2B Kids.

"We are talking about little kids who do not understand that "ho, ho, ho" has any other connotation and nor should they," she told the Telegraph.

"Leave Santa alone."

A local spokesman for the US-based Westaff recruitment firm said it was "misleading" to say the company had banned Santa's traditional greeting and it was being left up to the discretion of the individual Santa himself.

Jock Rock #11 : Jaunty Sideburns From Jordanhill

Del Amitri with Nothing Ever Happens from their album Waking Hours.

Always tuneful the band were most successful at the end of the 80's, early 90's. They also produced a, rather dirge like, anthem for Scotland's World Cup challenge in 1998.

Lead singer Justin Currie has never even been remotely connected with the wonderful Uncle Devil Show album A Terrible Beauty, no sir, no siree bob...



Del Amitri on Wikipedia

Was It A Chopper?

Aye, Scotland can be a funny place at times...

Taken from the BCC News site here. (The pay off line is a cracker)

Bike sex man placed on probation

A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation.

Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.

Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.

Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.

Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.

Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."

Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.

The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving from his council
house in Girvan.

He now lives in Ayr.

Top Telly

Channel hopping tonight I came across the funniest thing I have seen on the telly in ages...

Channel 376 on Sky - Bedroom TV.

No, its not a dodgy amateur romping channel full of over made up wenches getting down some tatooed skinheads.

No. Instead it is a bunch of saddos who have videoed themselves miming to various popular music combos...

Absolute quality. It's the saddest bits of YouTube all on your telly!

Watch and cringe!

Alphabetically Speaking

In that quasi autistic way that men like listing and ordering things I set myself a bizarre little project recently.

I decided to go through my iPod and listen to the first album title under each letter from A to Z.

The way this musical journey panned out was as follows:

A Return To Kings : Rush
Excellent prog metal from the Canadian power trio. Geddy Lee's screechy vocals are a bit of an acquired taste.

Back In Black : AC/DC
The triumphant return by the Oz rockers following Bon Scott's untimely death. Prompted a fantastic quote from Brian Johnstone, his flat capped Geordie replacement, along the lines of "One week I'm on the dole, the next I'm doing this gorgeous bird up the arse!"

Cantaloupe Island : Herbie Hancock
Joyous jazz from the keyboard master.

Damage : David Sylvian and Robert Fripp
A live recording that mixes Sylvian's rich vocals with interludes of frantic guitar Frippertronics.

Early Gold : Simple Minds
All the good, bass heavy, early stuff from before the stadium gigs suckered them into trying to be U2.

Fab Four Suture : Stereolab
Last track is very good, a bit like Phillip Glass with a backbeat.

GP / Grievous Angel : Gram Parsons
Gorgeous tunes from the man who invented country rock.

Hall Of The Mountain Grill : Hawkwind
More of the usual from the space rockers who only have two gears : the mid to fast paced chugger and the slow keyboard driven stuff.

I'm Wide Awake It's Morning : Bright Eyes
A great collection of tunes from the singer songwriter.

Jackinabox : Turin Brakes
Disappointingly lacklustre compared to the previous album.

Kasabian : Kasabian
Triumphant dance beat laced Indie.

L.A. Woman : The Doors
Riders On The Storm et al. Class.

Macalla : Clannad
Yes, its the one with Bono on it. Not quite as New Agey as their sister Enya but it ain't Slipknotl either.

Never Turn Your Back On A Friend : Budgie
Another power trio featuring lead vocals from a long haired bass player, this time they are from Wales, and haven't sold as many records...

O : Damien Rice
Bright and breezy singalong pop from the eternal optimist, or not. Keith Richards helped him get his pilot's licence you know...

Pablo Honey : Radiohead
Featuring the brilliant Creep this is tuneful angsty stuff with only the angular guitar solos hinting at what was to come.

Quadrophenia : The Who
Modtastic masterpiece. Nuff said.

Rage Against The Machine : Rage Against The Machine
Crunching riffs coupled with raw anger tinged vocals make this a visceral listening experience - great for the gym! Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!!!

SAHB Stories : The Sensational Alex Harvey Band
Probably SAHB's most polished album features the brilliant Amos Moses and The Boston Tea Party - "The king has said he's gonna put a tax on tea, and that's the reason y'all Americans drink coffee..."

Taking The Long Way : Dixie Chicks
A triumphant return from the female trio of country rockers who were castigated in their US homeland for their anti Iraq war statements.

Ugly Custard : Ugly Custard
Instrumental stuff from a bunch of 60's session musicians.

Van Halen : Van Halen
A debut album to kill for.

Waterloo To Anywhere : Dirty Pretty Things
Clattery indie stuff from the one who used to be in The Libertines but has managed to avoid the fortnightly court appearances favoured by his pasty faced ex bandmate.

X&Y : Coldplay
Low key, miserablist moaning. Strangely uplifting though.

Z : My Morning Jacket
Tuneful, atmospheric, alt countryish stuff.

1 : The Beatles
Quality from start to finish...

An interesting journey I'm sure you'll agree!

Now to do it all again in reverse...

Best Carry Out Ever?

Scene : Pittodrie Stadium, concourse under Richard Donald stand, jammed with about 700 odd Dons fans camping out overnight to get tickets in the morning.

Folk were being allowed out to have a fag, go for chips, get refreshments etc.

Cue loads of folk coming back loaded down with alcoholic beverages.

Best one of the night was a young lad who returned with the best carry out I have ever seen - two cases of lager and a pillow!

Have you seen better than this? Why don't you thrill us with your takeaway alcohol themed tails...

Stadium Nights

A quick note from Pittodrie where TK and his mates are queuing for tickets for the game in Madrid.

We arrived just after 7pm prepared for an overnight stint on the street. Luckily the club he seen sense and were handing out queue numbers and letting people in to spend the night in the concourse area inside the stand.

We should be ok for a ticket once they start selling them at 9am tomorrow.

Its not that warm in here despite the place being packed but at least its dry. A hell of a lot of people are coming in with a hell of a lot of drink so it might get a bit rowdy later on.

Hopefully should be able to report a successful ticket purchase in the morning!

On The Buses

Today I are mostly be travellin' by bus...

Yes, the KidMobile broke down again yesterday. Two months after it had been in the garage to get its gearbox fixed the gear linkage snapped and left me unable to go anywhere. Luckily this happened when I was trying to reverse into a parking space on a quiet street. The thought that it could just have easily have happened in the middle of a traffic jam in Aberdeen's rush hour makes my bowels feel a bit watery...

So today I am travelling into town on a double decker which is absolutely jammed to capacity. There is no getting away from the fact the travelling amongst a whole heap of people, crammed in like the beasts that come past in the animal transporters, is a far from pleasant experience : the lack of room, the damp sweaty heat that hangs like a low lying fog, and worst of all the collective body odours of the herd...not pleasant, not pleasant at all!

Safe to say I cannot wait to get the car back. There are a lot of compelling arguments for using public transport more, and my workplace is set to do its bit to encourage us to do this by introducing parking charges etc, but the basic fact is that most people (those with a keen sense of smell especially) do not like travelling like cattle and if they can avoid doing so they will. This is probably not good news for our children's children's children but there it is.

In related news I also have to work out how to get from work to home to Pittodrie tonight for the footie...

Happy Days!

Quality Spot, Jock

I would like to draw people's attention to this post by my good friend Groanin' Jock.

He has really turned up a diamond this time.

Jock Rock #10 : Bluster From Bathgate

Goodbye Mr MacKenzie with The Rattler from their album Good Deeds & Dirty Rags.

Probably most famous for having Shirley Manson on keyboards and vocals, the band also featured Big John ex Exploited. I remember the big fella working at Listen record shop in Renfield Street at one point, and a jolly nice chap he was too.

Whilst Shirley went on to front Garbage, the rest of the band probably spent time collecting it...



Goodbye Mr MacKenzie on Wikipedia

What The ...

A Fine Piece

Nipping out for a quick stroll at lunchtime the other day I was tempted in to the rather scrummy wee bakers that is just a few yards away from my new office.

My purchase was delayed for a few precious moments by the comedy scene of a young student asking if she could pay for her purchases with a credit card. 

The lady behind the counter pointed out fairly forcibly and with a sizeable measure of irritation that the shop did not accept credit cards as they were too busy to process them.  This led the hungry young student to leave her intended purchase on the counter and walk out. 

I guess she was hurrying off to find somewhere else where she could use Mastercard to pay for her solitary packet of cheese and onion crisps...

When it was my turn to be served I asked the lady what the tray bake with the white chocolate on top was. 

This innocent enquiry provoked the following classic dialogue:

Lady # 1 : "I dinna ken son.  Hey Aggie, fit dae ye cry yon tray bake wi the white choaklit oanra top?"

Lady #2 : "I cry that a white choaklity, fudgey thing..."

Lady #1 : "It's a white choaklity, fudgey thing son"

Me : "I'll take one thanks"

I'm still no wiser as to what it actually was (apart from being a white choaklity, fudgey thing of course) but it was good...

Jock Rock #9 : Punk Power From Dunfermline

The Skids with their classic single 'Into The Valley'.

I saw The Skids supporting The Stranglers at the Glasgow Apollo back in '78 and there was something quite intriguing about them. Richard Jobson wasn't the greatest singer and danced like a spazz but Stuart Adamson was a great guitar player and their songs and sound were different from a lot of other stuff around at that time.



The Skids on Wikipedia

A Bit Behind

I liked this piece by Scotsman columnist Robert McNeil so much that I thought I would preserve it for posteriority...

Watch out! The fatographers are after you

There was an explosion of fat people's bottoms in the papers over the weekend. I don't know how they get away with it. Every time there's a scare about the big wobbly problem of obesity, photographers are dispatched to the high streets of the nation to capture images of lardular bahookies waddling doon the road. The television does the same, mercilessly tracking some hapless bloater as she plods from shop to shop in search of ice-cream and pies, or perchance one of those cut-off tops by which she can show off her belly to the nation on a Saturday night.

Imagine the shame of seeing your buttocks thus displayed on the printed page, under an article headed, "Call for fat people to be imprisoned". It'd be even worse if the picture was seen first by your pals or even your spouse.

"Haw, Effie, there's a picture o' your bahookie in the paper."

"Yir kiddin'. Whit's it daein'?"

"Just kind o' wobblin' doon the street."

"Is it an articule about female beauty?"

"No, it's about being a bloater"

As a columnist, I'm used to seeing hideous pictures of my coupon beside the invisible rubric : "Here's what this idiot thinks". But if you're an innocent jumbo, you run the risk of being snapped from behind by a professional fatographer, and so should seriously think about having your buttocks copyrighted.

And before anyone gets all uppity about me being unfair to lardicularly challenged persons lets just say I am no stranger to a steak pie myself...

Jock Rock #8 : Electro Pop From Aberdeen

The Shamen with 'Jesus Loves Amerika'.

Formed as an indie rock band in Aberdeen The Shamen took on board influences from the acid house scene to move through Jesus Jones and Pop Will Eat Itself territory to a fully fledged rave sound and the execrable 'Ebeneezer Goode'.



The Shamen on Wikipedia

Sheet Georgia Maroon

Well, the balloon may not have exactly burst, but it is deflating and will soon look like an OAP's scrotum.

Tonights less than perfect performance leaves the Scotland team with a bit of a mountain to climb.

If clothes maketh the man is it any wonder that if you dress like Hearts you end up playing as badly as them...

I wonder how many of the limited edition "claret" coloured (cursed) strips will fly off the shelves now?

Hopefully this will be the death knell to an overtly cynical marketing ploy.

Sell it, Bang!

[Action]

See before I discovered that Cillit Bang stuff, I wiz a manky bitch by the way!!

Just have a wee look roon ma hoose...

See? Ma kitchen is pure boggin', ma shower taps look like a dogger's wing mirrors, ma cooker hood is greasier than Lemmy's barnet, and ma cludgie looks like it is straight aff the dysentry ward...

Noo, wi a quick squirt of this strangely named stuff, that can shine up a penny quicker than you can say third degree chemical burns, everything is all shiny like new!!!

[Cut, that's a wrap]

Do you really think the punters will buy into this crap??? Do you not think you have maybe overegged the pudding with the fecal matter on the built in hob??? No???

Jock Rock #7 : Glasgow's Tommy Steele

Alex Harvey was possibly the greatest, most charismatic, front man for a rock band ever, and what a band he fronted!

During the mid 70's The Sensational Alex Harvey Band were one of the best live acts on the circuit, their Christmas gigs at the Glasgow Apollo in 1975 are now legendary (and one of the best concerts I have attended).

I remember seeing this Old Grey Whistle Test performance when it was originally broadcast and I still love it to this day.

Sadly Alex died of a heart attack in 1982, the day before his 47th birthday. He seemed like an old man in a young persons world back then, it is sobering to think that I am that age now...

The Sensational Alex Harvey Band continue to gig to this day and still provide a damn good night out.




The Alex Harvey wikipedia entry

The SAHB Official website

Wade's SAHB site

High Steaks

A man walks into a butcher's shop and asks for eight legs of venison.

"That'll be £40," says the butcher.

"£40?" says the man. "That's too dear."

Not Waving...

...Drowning

Sorry for lack of posts recently - new job syndrome.

Normal service will resume soon, I promise.

Bum Deal

Sometimes something comes along to remind you that, underneath all the smoke and mirrors, computer systems are not quite as clever as you might think...

Jock Rock #6 : The Sunshine Sound Of Castlemilk

The Cosmic Rough Riders with Revolution (In The Summertime?) from the album Enjoy The Melodic Sunshine.

Despite one journalist, at the time of the albums release, claiming them to be "the best band on Earth right now" and a few top 40 singles this band have struggled to achieve more than best newcomer status.



The Cosmic Rough Riders Wikipedia entry

The Bootiful Game

What the hell is wrong with Scottish football?

The national side beating France home and away and rising to 14th in FIFA's world rankings...

Rangers handing Lyon a three goal beating away from home...

Celtic beating AC Milan, repeat AC Milan 2-1 at Parkhead...

Hopefully the Dons will take heart from this and do the business against Dnipro!

This surely cannot be right.

Bring back Bertie Vogts before its too late!

On a serious note the villain of the piece tonight is not Dida for the most ridiculous, sustained bit of cheating acting since Rivaldo. No, it is the wee ned fan who ran on and presented the cheat goalkeeper with the opportunity.

Doo Doo De Doo Doo

At Pittodrie yesterday myself and the Wee Fella were sat in front of an elderly couple.

A lot of discussion had been going around about the lack of household names in the Gretna squad.

Midway through the second half Gretna made a substitution.

The announcer came over the P.A. "Coming on for Gretna is Colin McMenamin".

"Ah" said one of the elderly fans "At least we know that one".

"True" said his elderly pal "That's the lad the used to play for Liverpool".

Thank You For Waiting

You have called at a very busy time. You call has been placed in our queuing system and will be answered soon...

Thank you for holding. All of our agents are busy right now, someone will be with you soon...

Hi. Your call will be answered shortly...

Thank you for holding. You call is important to us, someone will be with you very soon...

Still there? Fuck me you're keen...


and on and on and on...

You don't seem to get it do you strange robotic voicemail woman? I am trying to give you money! I am trying to sign up for your overpriced fancy TV service. You know, the one with more pixels than the other one.

If you know it is a busy time why don't you take on some more staff to help rake in the cash? The order via the web thing that you advertise is just a series of web pages with the same phone number at the end of the trail. The order via your blue button on your telly remote doesn't seem to work either. So I'm back to the good old telephone.

Thank you for calling. You've phoned at a very busy time (you prat). Someone will be with you when they can be arsed...

Jock Rock #5 : The Darker Side Of East Kilbride

The Jesus And Mary Chain with April Skies from their second album Darklands.

Formed around the songwriting partnership of the brothers William and Jim Reid the band took The Beach Boys, The Velvet Underground, The Sex Pistols, Duane Eddy and a heaped teaspoon of feedback and put them in a blender.

The result was a dark brooding noise with a pop core, violence, riots at gigs, controversy, a brotherly fall out and finally reconciliation.



The Jesus And Mary Chain Wikipedia entry

How Can You See If You're A Blind Dug?

Apologies for the scarcity of postings this week, Mrs TK has been taking advantage of the fact that I am between jobs this week and has given me a huge list of chores to do...

Here's a funny wee clip from rainybeetle the madcap behind the Glesga version of the pasta sauce adverts.

This is very funny but distinctly NSFW and if you don't like sweary words you had better close your fucking ears...

Speccy Speccy Four Eyes

Something strange happened this morning...

I was sitting having a wee ponder about what aspect of my high-flying, non-stop action life I could write a wee blog entry about when an email popped into my inbox. [What's strange about that ya plonker? That's what is supposed to happen...]

This email was from Friends Reunited, you know the site that everyone signed up to a few years ago, making its owners millionaires in the process. The site that put you back in contact with people you knew from school but had lost touch with. The site that let you to swap emails with said lost contacts, thus enabling you to realise why you hadn't bothered to keep in touch with them in the intervening years... You know, that one.

Anyhoo, the email was from Friends Reunited in conjunction with Optical Express, the opticians. They have clubbed together to bring me an offer I might like...

Now, I do wear glasses and have done since about primary 5. These days specs are pretty cool. There are lots of different designer styles from which to choose to help you obtain the right 'look'. Even the kids have wide range of styles to choose from.

Not in my day.

When I went to school the choice for boys, unless your parents were loaded, was National Health spectacle frames in brown "horn rimmed", or black. Neither of these choices made the young TK look cool. This problem became compounded when as part of the day to day rough and tumble of the Scottish Education system both spectacle legs became broken and had to be repaired with tape until it was time to get new ones (an annual occurrence). This was not a good look. At all. Ever.

Wearing specs at school in the 70's was most definitely not cool. The taunts of "Speccy Four Eyes" and "Speccy Speccy Spazz Face" were never too far away. These days there are no doubt rules to protect the occularly challenged from the slightest chance of ridicule, back in the pre-PC days you were fair game, even for the teachers.

Now Friends Reunited (all about schooldays) and Optical Express (all about glasses) are teaming up to send me emails because they think I might be interested...

Is this random, or is there a special section on the FR site where 'normal' kids can nominate speccy kids that they remember in order to drive a targetted marketing campaign?

I think we should be told...

Last Day Today, Hooray!

Finally.

The end of my ever so exciting notice period.

I am working through my "gettingthefuckouttahere" checklist and have ticked off most of the entries...

A couple of hours from now and this place won't see me for dust!!

I have the contact details for the people I want to stay in touch with so its just a case of handing back the phone, the laptop, the blackberry, the securid card, the id card, the parkit permit, etc etc etc. Maybe in return I can get my soul back!

Internetlife

So Web 2.0 is all about user driven content and social networking and linking us all together to build a better and greater world that we can all have an input to...

So what if business meetings end up being like the comment threads you get everywhere on the interwebthingy these days???

Let's see...

Jock Rock #4 : The Lighter Side Of East Kilbride

Aztec Camera with the wonderful Oblivious from the album High Land, Hard Rain (introduced by the incomparable Ivor Cutler)





Aztec Camera on Wikipedia

Footie Faces

I'm just loving this football quiz at Chicken Dinner

Loving it but not doing very well at it would be a better description...

Soundtrack Of My Life

My good buddy Groanin' Jock posted on this the other day and was interested to see what my answers would be. So, I thought I had better give it a go.

What music are you currently grooving to?

Not exactly grooving, more waddling about like a fat Fabrizio Ravanelli...

All sorts really : currently checking out the new KT Tunstall, Dr Alimontado, Amy Winehouse, Stephen Stills, plus lots of random stuff off the iPod.

What, if push comes to shove, is your all-time favourite album?

This is difficult as there is so much good music out there and what I want to listen to changes so much with my mood - I am so much more into random tracks from my collection at the moment.

As a musical offering though I think you would be hard pushed to beat Electric Ladyland by Jimi Hendrix. This has everything from short poppy songs to longer less structured sound pieces - plus some of the best guitar playing you will ever hear.

What was the first record you ever bought? And where did you buy it?

The first record I ever bought was the single 'Son Of My Father' by Chicory Tip back in 1972. This was notably one of the first hit singles to feature the Moog synthesiser so it sounded really futuristic to my young ears (and the band looked great - see above, ha ha).

I reckon I must have bought this single at Taylors Music Store in Helensburgh. This was a fabulously old fashioned establishment that concentrated on selling musical instruments and sheet music. They only stocked singles that were in the charts and I seem to recall that these were not on display, to allow browsing through, but instead were kept in a little box behind the counter.

The shop owner would offer to order up anything you desired if he did not have it in stock but I have hazy memories of this being a rather tortuous process involving writing details into one of those order books with the sheet of carbon paper in, and extremely vague delivery times that meant you had to visit the shop about fifteen times to check if your order was in.

Which musician have you ever wanted to be?

I wish I had the talent to just pick up the guitar and play stuff. I mess around sometimes and make a noise but I know I'm not inherently musical.

When I was young I always wanted to be Keith Richards, just 'cos he had that real rock'n'roll swagger, you know. The bugger is still going strong despite living a lifestyle that would, and did, kill lesser men. He's still rocking and is still pretty cool. He may look like he has been dead for years but he is still the human riff and long may he continue.

What do you sing in the shower?

I don't tend to do this a lot. I have a glass shower screen and want to keep it in one piece.

Have been known to try my rendition of Delilah - the Alex Harvey version rather than Tom Jones, far more madness and menace in the delivery.

What is your favourite Saturday night record?

Saturday nights have long since stopped meaning anything special in the TK household, however in the spirit of the question probably something with fairly loud guitars on it - Sweet Child Of Mine usually hits the spot.

And your Sunday morning record?

Sunday morning now equals kids football so goes past in a hectic blur.

If I did have the time to sit and chill I would probably put on something like Miles Davis - Kind Of Blue.

Hitting The Wrong Note

Working in an office environment sadly means that you tend to get exposed to a lot of the shitty notes that people put up around the place.

passiveaggressivenotes.com has a brilliant collection of this kind of thing rangeing from the funny (like the mobile phone note above) to the downright creepy.

Remember "Your Mother doesn't work here so..."

Dude, Are You OK?

Stupid actor nearly ends himself on camera, sometimes it appears that you do get payback for being a twat...


Actor Nearly Chokes To Death On Camera - Watch more free videos

Via Break.com

Internet Safety Graphics

Great collection of Internet Safety Graphics over at Cracked.com (via Neatorama).

Strange Malaise

I've really been struggling to 'get going' this past couple of weeks and need to give myself a good shake before starting my new job.

I was on three months notice with my current employer which I negotiated down to two. These have been the longest two months of my life!

I mistakenly thought that having been here for around ten years, and being on a such a long notice period, that the company would be keen to ensure that I handed over everything I was working on and did a brain dump of all the handy stuff that I have picked up over the years. Sadly no. No contact, no deliverables, no real interest from above.

I am therefore feeling slightly miffed and more than a little bit bored...

Still, this is the final week, I have had my 'exit interview' (big joke), so I am just going to concentrate on cleaning up my workspace, making sure I have transferred all my personal files off my work laptop, etc etc etc

I then have a week off to chill and get my head together (whilst I am trying to clear some of the debris from my overstuffed garage) before taking up my new post with a clear head and an annoyingly positive attitude!

That's the plan anyways...

Toute Suite

Hat tip to Scary Duck for his brilliantly composed letter of complaint to the company supposed to be supplying his new sofa...

I especially like how he has tagged his blog entry.

Link : Scary Duck's complaint

Can You See Me?

37 years ago today we lost a man who virtually reinvented the electric guitar as a musical instrument and who created some of the most exciting rock music of our time.

R.I.P. Jimi...

O.J. Squeezed

CNN reports that O.J. Simpson is being held in jail after being arrested in connection with an armed assault and robbery in Las Vegas.

No news on whether a glove was found at the scene...

Police Probe Prison Riot 'Links'

From Yahoo News via Fark

Inmates go on sausage 'temper tantrum'

Thu Sep 13, 5:07 PM ET

HOBBS, N.M. - Some Lea County inmates set fires and broke toilets and windows after being told they would be allowed only one sausage at dinner. Jail officials said the inmates began yelling and banging on their doors in what they described in a news release as a "temper tantrum."

Officers from the Lea County Sheriff's and Hobbs Police departments were called in to restore control, and the jail was locked down after Tuesday night's incident.

Some 33 prisoners were involved, Warden Jann Gartman said.

The remaining 300-plus prisoners at the jail accepted the meal without incident, authorities said.

The damage to the jail was light, with some smoke damage and broken toilets and windows, the warden said.
___
Information from: Hobbs News-Sun, http://www.hobbsnews.com

Scolari, oh oh oh...

And this is the guy that England wanted to have as the manager of the national side...



Looks like he would have fitted right in!

Jock Rock #3 : The Hair Bear Bunch From Dunfermline

Nazareth with This Flight Tonight from the album Loud'N'Proud.

There was a time during my schooldays where it almost became compulsory to carry a copy of a Nazareth album, usually Razamanaz or Loud'N'Proud, under your arm. The band themselves never quite made it as big as they probably deserved to though they were pretty successful.

A later lineup of the band included ex SAHB guitar maestro Zal Cleminson.

The band are currently involved in some second hand chart action after a riff from their track Hair Of The Dog was sampled by Girls Aloud on the single Sexy! No No No. Bizarre...



Nazareth on Wikipedia

One For The Xmas List

As found at B3ta.com

Now This, I Love

There are some things in this world that seem to have been invented for reasons that I don't understand, but this, pure genius.

Dr Whippy is an ice cream dispenser that uses voice analysis to assess your mood.

The more unhappy you are the more ice cream you get...


Brilliance...

The Pecking Order

Only a week and half left at my current employer so I am currently in "knowledge transfer" mode - tell a bunch of people a bunch of stuff that you know that they are not going to remember and then walk off into the sunset.

My decision to leave for pastures new was completely vindicated today when I was witness to the following telephone exchange between my line manager and his boss :

(5 minutes into conference call)

MLM : Yes, and we really need to agree how to move forward on this key issue. What do you think about...
HB : Sorry, we are going to have to talk about this some other time. I have to feed the goat.

"Feed the goat" isn't a euphemism by the way, he really was going to feed his goat.

If MLM is further down the pecking order than a pet goat, where the fuck does that leave me?

Two Words

Ass

Hole

Internet People

This animation features lots of familiar characters from the murky world of the interwebthingy...


http://view.break.com/362585 - Watch more free videos

Funny Jumper

Scott Hillburn's cartoons over at The Argyle Sweater are reminiscent of Gary Larson and always good for a chuckle or a wry smile.

Justice?

I have to admit my complete lack of understanding of the Scottish legal system.

This week the trial of a convicted murderer and rapist was thrown out due to lack of evidence. Forensic evidence linked the accused, both victims and his vehicle at the time. The key element in the dismissal of this case appears to be the failure of the prosecution to present any evidence showing a forensic link between the accused and the ligatures used to murder the two young women.

A couple of years ago a 16 year old boy was found guilty of murdering his girlfriend when he was just 14 in a "savage knife attack". There was no forensic evidence linking the boy to the crime, nor any witnesses placing him at the scene.

I just don't get how this works...

Oh, The Glamour

Legotivity

I have a print of M.C. Escher's Relativity on my wall, so I just loved this Lego version...

General Knowless

Some of the answers to the simple questions posed here beggar belief.

Whilst it is easy to poke fun at some American citizens who appear to have little knowledge of anything outwith their country, I know that this type of video could just as easily have been made in the UK.

Ignorance is a worldwide problem, and it appears to be growing...

Jock Rock #2 : Otherworldly Sounds From Grangemouth

The Cocteau Twins with Heaven or Las Vegas from the album of the same name.

This is especially for Big Rab who thinks that the Cocteaus are art school pish... nothing could be further from the truth...I don't think they went to art school...

The truth is that The Cocteau Twins have turned out to be extremely influencial. You can hear echoes of their atmospheric soundscapes allied with strange vocalisations in the work of many other bands to this day.



The Cocteaus on Wikipedia.

Rock, Paper, Sciss...owww!

Offshore Europe Traffic Chaos

It took me an hour longer than normal to drive to work this morning.

Yep, Offshore Europe is back. You can't get a hotel room in Aberdeen for love nor money and traffic chaos reigns once more.

Having sat for ages in a traffic jam that was moving as slowly as a snail with a limp it cheered me up no end to see that Grumpyans friendly boys in blue were doing their bit to ease the situation - by having a bunch of bobbies on the beach esplanade with hand held speed cameras busting all the harassed commuters trying desperately not to be late to work... Bastards.

Aberdeen is pretty mental when Offshore Europe is on but there is no denying that it brings in a lot of money, even the girls who ply their trade outside my lovely office traditionally make a bundle - perhaps they could invest in some more clothing, they are going to catch their death standing about by the roadside, at night, with no simmet on...

Anyway, with things being quiet here, I will probably visit OE this afternoon. There's nothing quite like wandering aimlessly round a huge, crowded, exhibition hall looking at bits of equipment that you have no idea about and gathering huge amounts of free tat that will be binned once safely home...

ho hum...

The Boys Are Back

After "some pretty crazy months" Driveblind made a triumphant return to the public eye when they headlined L.A's famous Troubadour club in West Hollywood on the 29th August.

The Troubadour opened in 1957 and has since seen the live debuts of acts such as Buffalo Springfield, James Taylor, The Pointer Sisters and Guns'n'Roses amongst others. It was also the venue where Tom Waits was discovered during an amateur night.

The boys have been keeping themselves busy whilst out of the spotlight, writing and demoing new material some of which is destined for release on an ep later this year. The Driveblind album released last year was a real cracker and it was a shame that Geffen Records never seemed to put too much promotional weight behind it.

Here are the boys performing Raised At Midnight, from the Driveblind album, live at the Troubadour. Its good to see them back, if ever a band deserves to make it big its these guys...



Links : Driveblind on MySpace, The Troubadour site

FAC 501

Occasionally in the world of popular music you get examples of bands or record labels that have taken a conscious step to include a bold design statement as part of their work.

Examples of this would be :

• The White Stripes use of the colours red and white on album sleeves, clothing etc
• ZTT with its Paul Morley written manifestos on record sleeves
• The Ramones leather jackets and jeans look

One of the most notable examples was Factory Records issuing of catalogue numbers for not just their audio and video output but also amongst other things posters (FAC 1), The Hacienda club (FAC 51), a hairdressing salon (FAC 98), and the club cat (FAC 191).

How fitting therefore that Tony Wilson the labels founder was buried recently, after losing his battle with kidney cancer, in a coffin carrying the last ever Factory catalogue number FAC 501.

There is something quite noble about carrying things through to the very end like this.

Pay Attention At The Back

Loved this brief story in today's Daily Record:

Our Prize Pupil Left In 2003

A pupil was given a prize for turning up to every lesson for a year - despite having left school four years earlier.

Education chiefs praised Stuart Fox as a model pupil and sent him a special pen and a pass allowing him to go swimming at the local pool free for a year.

But the red-faced officials were then told Stuart had moved.

Falkirk Council dish out the Present And Correct awards annually to pupils with perfect attendance.

Stuart had gone to Graeme High School in Falkirk but had moved to America with his family in 2003 when his father got a new job there.

Somehow, he had not been removed from the school roll.

And because teachers had not marked him absent, Stuart was automatically nominated for the award.

So the council education director Julia Swan wrote a letter congratulating him for his 100 percent attendance in the 2006-07 year, enclosing the pen and telling him about his grand prize of a year's free swimming.

It was only when the people who live in Stuart's old house in Polmont returned the letter that they realised the mistake.

Crikey. Dishing out an attendance prize to someone who left the country three years previously!

How easy must it be to bunk off from that school?

Obviously no requirement to dodge Wee Donny the bunking man like there was in my day...

Jock Rock #1 : If The Byrds Came From Bellshill

A new feature for Friday's, selected clips of some Scotland's contributions to the world of rawk.

Teenage Fanclub with Sparky's Dream from the album Grand Prix...

What's not to love?



For further info see The Fannies entry on wikipedia.

Fuzzy Gets Lucky

Could this be the most amazing golf shot ever?

A Graphicinno?

Cafe Mocha

Nice work by Lokesh Dhakar on these nifty graphics which show the differences between the different types of coffee you can get nowadays.

Unfortunately he does not yet feature the two staples of Dumbarton cafe society, Black Coffee and White Coffee (Tunnocks Tea Cakes optional).

Strange Creatures In The Workplace

I was inspired by Misssy's recent post to think of some of the 'characters' that I have come across in my, far too many, years working in different offices.

Some of the choicest ones that come to mind are detailed below:

Ear Defender Man

By all accounts an extremely intelligent and capable individual, Ear Defender Man used to drive us mad with his continual claims that his ability to work was being hampered by the high pitched whistling noise emanating from a nearby computer.

We sent a support technician to investigate, needless to say he couldn't find a problem or hear the mysterious noise. More complaints, so we sent another engineer. Still nothing. More complaints, this time I went down myself along with a representative from the HSE department. Guess what? Yep, nothing. We swapped out the machine anyway just to be helpful. Two days later, more complaints...maybe the noise hadn't been coming from the machine we removed after all, it was maybe the one next to it. And so it went on...

This carried on for far longer than I care to recall. I felt sorry for the guy as it was obviously bothering him, however, it was difficult to address the problem without recruiting some bizarre support technician/border collie crossbreed.

Eventually he came up with his own solution. He took to wearing a pair of industrial ear defenders at all times when he was at his desk. Not ideal but he seemed happy.

Hope for his sake the fire alarm doesn't go off...

The Matrix Vampire

New boy starts on the servicedesk upstairs. We can kind of forgive the ponytail and the floor length leather coat cos hey, its IT and we are pretty well used to geeks and nerds.

On his second day on the job he feels comfortable enough to put in his Dracula teeth, not the cheap plastic ones you get in lucky bags etc but a custom made set. Apparently he wore them all the time in the evenings and at weekends...

Not in here son! Get them oot yer mooth and get back on the phone...

The Gonk Bashers

A couple of normal everyday IT folk, good company, funny, good banter, etc etc

Except - when they start discussing their latest exploits in World Of Warcraft (or Gonk Bashing for Geeks as I call it).

I just can't stand it when two apparently rational people start rambling on about attacking some madey up monster, getting a new cloak with magical powers, and working on their leather working skills so that they can make their owl bear character a new belt, and on and on and on...

DMFHI.....(does my feckin head in)

The Clean Freak

This is not a particularly nice tale, if you are of a sensitive disposition please skip to the next section.

The Clean Freak was an otherwise normal joe who had developed a bit of a phobia since leaving the gents toilet just after another bloke who didn't wash his hands after doing what he had to do. This lodged in the Clean Freak's brain and started to eat away at it, before to long he was opening doors with his elbows or pulling the sleeves of his jumper down over his hands to press the start button on the photocopier.

The situation was most definitely not helped by the colleagues who worked alongside him. Being 'roughy toughy' oilmen they decided that playing on the Clean Freak's phobia would be a great laugh and proceeded to lace his lunchtime sandwiches with some freshly harvested pubic hairs when he was away from his desk. Needless to say this did not go down well.

Not sure what happened to this guy, he is probably living in a bubble somewhere.

The Overtime Golfer

Some years ago I worked on a major project that encouraged weekend working. This was quite attractive fiscally as you only had to work a half days time to get a full days pay, but this still wasn't enough for some people.

The main office block was 'L' shaped with the main entrance to the front and a long wing stretching out to the rear of the building.

One guy used to come to work on a Saturday, park his car in the car park at the back of the building and then walk round to the front, enter, and sign in at reception. He would then proceed downstairs and along the corridor to his office on the ground floor of the rear wing. Once he was in his office he would open the window, climb out, get into his car and drive off to play golf. On his return he would climb back in the window, make his way back to reception and sign out as having done a days work.

Fly git.

The Ground Floor Lady

The lady in question became known as The Ground Floor Lady after a safety review in the office decreed that she was not allowed to work on any of the upper floors.

The reasoning behing this was that she was so obese that in the case of a fire she would not be able to use the lifts and would be unable to walk down the stairs.

Surely a whole load of issues needing to be addressed here rather than just a blanket ruling of 'Hey porky, ground floor for you'...

Crazy Cutouts

Here's yet another crazy Japanese game show.

It doesn't look as painful as my previous posting on this subject but it still looks pretty mad.

No Blonde Jokes Required

Duhuh?????

What's Going On?

The shooting of 11 year old Rhys Jones, allegedly by another youngster, in Liverpool last week has shocked the UK.

In its own way the story below (taken from This Is Local London via Fark) is just as disturbing.

Body lay in High Street for 13 hours
By Sara Nelson

The body of a man apparently lay in Orpington High Street for 13 hours before a passerby realised he was dead this weekend.

The man, thought to be in his mid-to-late-30s, was found on the ground outside the Job Centre at 5.05pm on Saturday.

But bystanders said he had been lying there since 4am that morning.

Ambulance crews informed police, who are treating the incident as a sudden death.

Police believe they know who he is and are informing his next-of-kin.

Mother-of-three Hayley Hind was passing by when the police were called.

She said: "We had stopped for a cup-of-tea at the Silver Lounge and the police were just arriving.

"We asked the waitress what was going on and she told us and said people were saying he'd been there since 4am.

"Apparently he had been just lying there, not moving, while people were setting up their market stalls just feet away from him.

"The police were very good, they tried to shield everyone from the scene, but I am disgusted that he was left there for so long - more than 12 hours.

"A little bit of public spirit would not have gone amiss, you know, somebody stopping to say: 'Are you alright, mate?'

"Even if people thought he was just drunk or asleep it must have been unusual that he hadn't been moving at all to top up his alcohol levels or answer the call of nature.

"It's just so sad that he was left there for so long, there seems to be no compassion for anybody these days."

The 42-year-old, of Joyce Green, Dartford, added: "How dare they just walk past him."


I'm not sure if things are actually getting dramtically worse or if its just that one absolutely horrendous incident skews your vision of what is going on for a period of time.

Whatever it is one thing is for sure, Great Britain is not looking that great at the moment...

We Are The Champions Continued

Have to give much respect to the guys from Grampian Police who organised saturday's finals. They really went out of their way to make it a special day for all the boys involved.

The teams had to line up in the tunnel before the match before being led onto the pitch by a piper, there were p.a. announcements of the teams and scores, and at the end of the matches the medals and trophies were handed out at the back of the stand.

As I said in the previous post we fell 3-1 behind which was a shame as we were playing all the football and at one point forced about 12 corners in a row. The opposition had a great young lad playing up front for them, he was fast, could move the ball well and could finish, and their tactic of choice was to hoof the ball up to him and hit us on the break.

Once we got into the second half our boys managed to get a grip on him and snuff out the threat, meanwhile we were passing the ball well and creating, and taking, a fair few chances.

It was a close fought game right to the end and the final whistle was met with a mixture of euphoria and relief. Our boys were over the moon to have won but it was a shame to see some of the opposing players reduced to tears.

Still, not too bad winning a trophy at the end of our first season. I am sure that this will give the team a bit of confidence going into the new season.

I have cobbled together a fairly amateurish video memento of the day. I have only one thing to say about the mistimed tackle half way through the action - that's my boy!

We Are The Champions

Just a quick post to let all those readers waiting with baited breath know that we won our final.

As usual we did it the hard way, having to come back from 3-1 down, to win the game 5-3.

Will post in more detail later in the week, at the moment I am a bit drained and have to get the car loaded up for a trip south to see the wee fella's grandparents - hoping to drop in on Big Rab, Mrs Big Rab and the two lovely Big Rabettes as well.

I'll Have A Big Noggin With Cheese Please

This news just in courtesy of The Onion.

Paris & Nicole?

Taken from a Russian site with lots of bizarre animal photos (no, not that bizarre you smutty people...)

Schoolkid Proverbs

As found on Forwarded Funnies

1. Don't change horses......................until they stop running.
2. Strike while the...................................bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before..................Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of.....................termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but......................how?
6. Don't bite the hand that.............................looks dirty.
7. No news is....................................impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a..................................Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new....................math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll............stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust........................................me.
12. The pen is mightier than the..........................pigs.
13. An idle mind is...........................the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's............................pollution.
15. Happy the bride who........................gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is.......................................not much.
17. Two's company, three's.............................the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what..........you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and.....you have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as.........................Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not..............spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed..................get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you.......see in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind.................get out of the way.
25. Better late than........................................pregnant.

A Quick Giggle/Groan

Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I've got problems with my hearing.
Doctor: "What are the symptoms?"
Patient: "They're those yellow people on TV."

Scotland, South Africa, And The Torn Faced Old Git

Took the wee fella to Pittodrie to see some international football action last night, Scotland v South Africa.

We entered the back of the stand and tried to find our seats. We quickly identified that we were sitting in the back row and were at the end of the row.

I checked the seat number for the vacant seat at the end of the row.

"This will be where we are sitting wee man, yep, this seat is number 11" I said, checking the seat number.

"Aye, and this is number 10" piped up the elderly gentleman who together with his grandson were occupying the adjacent two seats.

"Good" I replied politely and with a smile "That will be my seat then"

The elderly gent torn faced old git then came out with what is an unfortunately common opening gambit in these parts, "Ah dinnae think so!"

Sighing, but still managing to force a smile, I produced my tickets and showed him, "Here's my tickets. As you can see I have Row Y seats ten and eleven".

Still torn faced he produces his crumpled tickets from his pocket and, with the air of someone explaining a simple fact to a retarded child, waved them under my nose saying "Well look, I have Row Y, seats nine and te....uh....er....eight........move along son"

Shuffles along to next seat, no word of apology, spends the whole game pretending we don't exist. Twat!

As for the game, it was probably the most tedious 90 minutes of football I have ever watched. South Africa moved the ball about well without really threatening to score whilst Scotland were hopeless except for the one moment of inspiration when they scored.

Out of all the football he has watched the wee fella says he still prefers watching Dumbarton. Poor bugger.

When Saturday Comes

Oh, the trials and tribulations of being a football manager!

Now I know how Fergie and Jose feel...

As I mentioned before, my youth team were playing a semi final of a local tournament last night.

The pre match team talk was tricky: how to relay the importance of the game, encourage the boys, but not make them overconcerned and nervous - needed to try and get the balance right.

Three minutes into the game I was beginning to think we had got the balance all wrong. The boys were not in the game at all and were already two goals down...

Thankfully they rallied and a couple of quick goals from our "midfield general" brought us back level and banished the nerves.

The boys were growing in confidence with every passing minute and soon started to play some great attacking football.

At this level there is a lot that can be done with brute force and direct play i.e. get the big boy at the back to knock people over, lump the ball up the park and hope that somebody gets a scoring touch in amongst the confusion. However, I don't like to play this way, our boys are encouraged to get the ball down, pass and move, and to use our pace down the flanks whenever possible - I firmly believe that playing good technical football wins out every time.

This proved to be the case last night as, despite a great deal of effort and application from the opposition players, our boys linked up well and gave the opposing midfield and defence a torrid time.

We eventually ran out 17-2 winners, the most pleasing aspect of which was that just about all the squad managed to get on the scoresheet. Actually, being honest, the most pleasing aspect was that the wee fella had a great game, scoring 5 goals and setting up a few of the others, I guess I'm a dad first and a coach second!

The final of the tournament is on Saturday and will be played at Peterhead's Balmoor Stadium. The boys are excited about playing on a proper pitch at a real league ground and I am sure that with all the parents, brothers, sisters, aunties and uncles etc crammed into the main stand we can generate a bit of an atmosphere.

Just need to hope that they can pull off a similar performance in the final, it would be great if they could win the thing!!

Gooooooooaaaaaaaalllllllllll !!!

Even when Brazil play route one football it somehow looks elegant.

This goal by Fabinho against New Zealand in the U17 World Cup set a new record for the fastest goal scored ever scored in a Fifa finals tournament : 9 seconds.

To see how he felt about scoring this record breaking goal read the interview with him here.

Fast Fingers

Trawling through YouTube I was struck by the sheer number of videos that people have posted of themselves playing guitar solos of various styles and qualities.

Here are a few of the more interesting ones I found.

Pachebel's Canon played by Funtwo



Bohemian Rhapsody played by Edgar Cruz



Drifting by Andy McKee



and for a bit of a laugh...

Some mad dude playing air guitar

Last Resting Place

Neatorama have a great story about The Weirdest Grave In The West.

The man responsible for it, John Davies, seems to have gone a bit loopy in his old age and blew all of his fortune on creating this overblown monument to himself and his wife.

Truly bizarre.

Breaking The Speed Limit

Found an intriguing article in The Telegraph which I have reproduced below.

'We have broken speed of light'

By Nic Fleming, Science Correspondent Last Updated: 12:01am BST 16/08/2007

A pair of German physicists claim to have broken the speed of light - an achievement that would undermine our entire understanding of space and time.

According to Einstein's special theory of relativity, it would require an infinite amount of energy to propel an object at more than 186,000 miles per second.

However, Dr Gunter Nimtz and Dr Alfons Stahlhofen, of the University of Koblenz, say they may have breached a key tenet of that theory.

The pair say they have conducted an experiment in which microwave photons - energetic packets of light - travelled "instantaneously" between a pair of prisms that had been moved up to 3ft apart.

Being able to travel faster than the speed of light would lead to a wide variety of bizarre consequences.

For instance, an astronaut moving faster than it would theoretically arrive at a destination before leaving.

The scientists were investigating a phenomenon called quantum tunnelling, which allows sub-atomic particles to break apparently unbreakable laws.

Dr Nimtz told New Scientist magazine: "For the time being, this is the only violation of special relativity that I know of."

Wow - does this mean that time travel is going to be possible?

Grab your things Marty, I'll get the DeLorean...

Daily Blogger Award

I have honoured by good old Groanin' Jock who has presented me with a Daily Blogger award.

This award originated on Bucky's The Wvb , a blog about everything and nothing, and is intended to be given to blogs that have at least 5 posts per week. It is to recognise the efforts of those blog writers who attempt to produce something worth reading on a daily basis.

Like most bloggers out there I do try my best to post up something interesting most days, whether it is from personal experience or something that I have found from rooting about in the deepest darkest recesses of the interwebthingy. My fellow office inhabitant, Gilldo Baggins, says that I have a rare talent for "finding shite on the internet", this blog allows me to put that talent to good use... I hope that some of the things I post entertain or intrigue you, I will do my best to try and bring more treats to the table...

I would like to pass this award on to two more than worthy recipients:

Big Rab at Songs Of A Sons Lover is a recent convert to blogging but has already posted some quality content on a wide variety of subject matter.

Alastair at alastair's heart monitor used to write for one of my favourite football fanzines, The Absolute Game, and has now amassed an amazing quantity of diverse and entertaining material online.

Pass it on guys...

Let Them Sing It For You

Possibly one of the funniest things that I have tinkered with on the good old interwebthingy for a long while.

This site lets you input text which is then converted into a sound file that is pieced together from clips from pop and rock songs.

Half the fun is inputting completely nonsensical phrases to be converted, the other half is spotting which songs the individual words have come from.

Link : Let Them Sing It For You

That's A Lotto Money

Brilliant quote in The Scotsman today in the story about an East Kilbride woman who has scooped the £35.4 million in the Euromillions lottery to become the UK's biggest National Lottery winner.

The lady in question works in the Admin department at the Royal Mail sorting office in Springburn, Glasgow.

This quote is from one of her co-workers:

"As far as we know she bought the winning ticket after leaving work on Friday night. The win couldn't have happened to a nicer person - she's the life and soul of the admin department in the sorting office.

Camelot sent a car to pick her up once she had made the call to them, and not long after the news spread that she had won.

Nobody knows what she will do yet with her winnings, but she'll be sadly missed if she decides not to come back to work."

Hmmm, difficult choice...

35 million quid in your hip pocket. Do you buy a big house somewhere in exotic climes and spend all day lying about being fed chocolate covered strawberries by the scantily clad sex objects of your choice or continue to wallow in the mindless drudgery of the 9-5 life...

Tough call.

Here We Go - 2, 3, 4...

This little ditty came on the iPod yesterday and brought a wide smile to my face.

Here's a little clip from back in the days when TOTP was guaranteed to have at least five minutes of anarchic chaos on it every week...



Jilted John was the creation of Graham Fellows whose later comic incarnation John Shuttleworth is featured below.



Link : The Official John Shuttleworth Interweb Drop-In Centre

Link : Graham Fellows entry in Wikipedia

What's The Crack?

Hilarious proof, if any more were needed, that drugs are bad for you...

Woman calls police about 'fake' cocaine

Mon Aug 13, 4:32 PM ET

ROCHELLE, Ga. - A woman was arrested after she called police to help "get her money back" after she was unhappy with the crack cocaine she purchased.

Juanita Marie Jones, 53, called Rochelle Police late Thursday night after she purchased what she thought was a $20 piece of crack cocaine, according to police reports.

She told officers she broke the rock into three pieces and smoked one, only to discover the drugs were "fake."

She took Officer Joel Quinn and Deputy John Shedd of the Wilcox County Sheriff's Office into her kitchen and showed them the drugs, police said.

She was promptly arrested on charges of possession of cocaine.

Information from: Cordele Dispatch , originally spotted on Yahoo News .